Mar 5
Eight years ago, The New York Times ran Ayelet Waldman’s essay “Truly, Madly, Guiltily” in its beloved “Modern Love” column. And all hell broke loose. Waldman ignited the media and enraged mothers across the country with the statement that would bring her fame: “I love my husband more than I love my children.” Read more
photo by gollygforce via flickr creative commons
Sean always laughs when he sees “Shady Ladies” written on the calendar, but he doesn’t dare schedule anything that conflicts. “Shady Ladies” (long story re: the name) is code for a dinner I have with two friends every 4-6 weeks. These meetings initially started in an attempt to create a community of practice among four of us (one has since moved to Chicago) with similar professional pursuits. I would still call this a community of practice (work is still definitely a core topic), but it’s evolved beyond that into something even more meaningful: a time to talk (and give each other feedback) about the way we’re designing our lives. Read more
Feb 13
“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
— Brene Brown, Professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work
Sean and I drove a Penske across the country in August of 2005, making stops in exotic places like Cheyenne, Wyoming and Elko, Nevada Our final destination was a small, dead-end street in Menlo Park California called Alice Lane, where a little apartment I had never seen awaited us and our truck full of our most prized possessions (I had been out of the country that summer, so Sean had gone solo to find a place to live). As we drove through cornfields and across mountains – clicking off states one by one – I became increasingly curious, nervous, excited, and terrified to see this place we were going to call home for the next few years. Read more
Role models today are more accessible than ever before. It’s easy to find and even meet people whose behavior we’d like to emulate in our own lives; and social media lets us get a real-time view into the daily thoughts and actions and struggles and achievements of people we admire.
On the flip side, as society becomes increasingly specialized and single sport athletes trump all-around performers, the idea of having one role model who “has it all” is elusive. This has come up for me most recently as I think about the balance between career and personal/family life, as many of the people who I admire professionally have made personal trade-offs that are misaligned with my core values and world view.
To explore this area, a few months ago, I asked a successful and special friend (and role model of mine) who her role models are, and she did a great job of re-framing the question. She told me she gave up long ago on the idea of finding one person to look up to…human beings’ personalities and values and life experiences and aspirations are simply too different to make that possible. Instead of trying to find one person to be her north star, she looks at extreme cases, identifying the very best moms and leaders and friends and creatives she knows and trying to extract a few pieces of wisdom from each of them.
She basically creates a composite role model as part of designing her life. This is nothing new – it’s what designers to all day long. They observe and interview not just the everyday “user,” but the end/extreme cases too, and use all of the combined information to inform the product or experience they’re making. But it’s not always natural to apply this principle to our lives.
I’m now actively using the “composite view,” keep an Evernote file of “amazing people” and keeping a mental list of people who inspire me in specific areas of life. I can then draw on examples I’ve learned from these people, and surround myself with them (virtually and physically) to give me ideas and motivation. To name a few, I draw on my mom’s patience as a parent…I try to channel a little bit of my friend Victoria’s focus and commitment and courage as a leader…I value my dad for being a huge “giver” (of his time)…I look up to my sister Megan as a committed athlete…I (virtually) learn from Maria Popova (brainpickings.org) about what it means to be a true thinker…I’m inspired by a friend named Shiri who is on a quest to travel every inch of the globe. Oh, and I think Obama is pretty great too.
How do you find and emulate role models? Do you have a few who “have it all” (or most of it), or do you use the composite view? How do role models help you shape your every day? And have you told yours recently how awesome they are?
We are entering the month of love – a month when red and pink abound, heart-shaped goodies show up in bakery windows, flower sales spike, and restaurants dim the lights a little bit more. I’m not into the Hallmark-y, dozen-roses-on-the-table manifestation of love, but I am into the idea of manifesting love in lots of different ways, not just in February, but every day. Outward expressions of love come in countless shapes and sizes…so, kicking February off right, here are a few examples I’d like to share: Read more
Jan 30
my family values living an active life.
I have a new-ish friend named Chantal. I liked her right away when I met her for lots of reasons – she’s genuinely and intensely curious about other people, she’s a voracious learner, she’s hilarious, and she asks really tough, big questions that make me think (for example, she recently asked me casually to distill Sean and my parenting philosophy). But beyond all of this, she achieved total awesomeness status in my mind when I found out she made t-shirts for her husband and daughter a few years ago that said FLICE. Read more
Jan 23
When I met my now husband we were living in different cities, so the early days of courtship weren’t exactly traditional. Rather than movies and dinners and everyday surprises, we got to know one another through weekend visits, late night phone conversations, and yes…email (Snapchat didn’t yet exist). Getting to know someone via email doesn’t sound very romantic, but when you think about it, the idea of a love letter has been around and revered since the beginning of written civilization. Read more
Jan 17
photo by natalie lucier, via flickr creative commons
A few months ago, I came across an advice column talking about cocktail party etiquette (I’m pretty sure it was in Real Simple, but I can’t seem to find the exact column now). The person asking the question was tired of work-focused discussions with new acquaintances, and looking for advice about other good ways to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I loved the advice the columnist gave: Instead of asking “What do you do?,” ask “What did you do today?” Read more
Jan 10
Twice a week, I volunteer for an hour in my kids’ preschool classes – doing things like preparing snack, reading books, doing puzzles, building towers, and eating lunch at a mini table in a mini chair with very lively mini people. When Sean and I put our kids into a school where volunteering was a requirement, I was admittedly (and now embarrassingly) apprehensive. I viewed the time the kids were in school as my “adult time” to work, do life maintenance, work out, etc and really didn’t want the two worlds to collide. After a few weeks of being in the classroom, however, my mindset shifted. Read more
Dec 27
Christmas night in our house was marked by a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit. We all paired up and tried to figure out whether Helsinki or Oslo is further north (Helsinki), what the name of the first astronaut to return from space was (some Russian dude), and what organ hepatitis impacts (the liver). I’m thankful I married into a game-playing family, as I love games. I grew up playing hearts, cribbage and gin…I kept a deck of cards alongside my Eurorail pass as I traveled through Europe in college…I’ve bonded with friends over board games in my adult life…and I have fond memories of falling in love with Sean over al fresco Scrabble games. Read more
Learning from parenting and life, while trying to get dinner on the table
A quixotic quest for the bright side.
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Rudey's Room
Posts with strategies and tactics on building great products and how to be a better leader
Tim Ferriss is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers and host of The Tim Ferriss Show podcast.
hacking health, designing life
Marginalia on our search for meaning.
hacking health, designing life
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