10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
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wellfesto 
This is fantastic! THANK YOU! I write a blog with a similar message (http://www.thebalancedlifeonline.com) and I’m passionate about the way we approach exercise. You nailed it on the head with this article. I can’t wait to share it.
With gratitude,
Robin
Robin – Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. I look forward to following your blog and would love to stay in touch!
L-O-V-E every single word of this. I teach a boot camp and many moms bring their children to class. We all love that our kids see exercise as a fun part of our healthy lives and not about being skinny.
Thanks so much for the comment, Susan! And so glad that you’re exposing kids to so much positivity around exercise! Keep it up!
L-O-V-E this so much! Such an important message and you wrote it beautifully. Well done!!
I have thought about this very often, as I have two little girls, and you put all my thoughts into words so very well. I want to print it up and put it in an envelope for them to read later and hopefully re-read many many times. As a Division I coach, mother and athlete, I am a firm believer in what “living an active life” does for the spirit much more than it does for the image. Nothing grates my nerves more than to see those magazines with their print about “lose weight, in 20 mintues or less” or “do nothing and feel great”..they are missing such a big part of “the journey”. I agree with you 100 percent on every level and thank you for putting this in to words so nicely!! Thank you!!!!
Thanks for your comment, Laura! It sounds like your girls are very lucky to have you as a role model. This is such an important shift for people to make, and I’m inspired by all of the women who believe and help other people understand the huge impact exercise has on the spirit! Keep on keeping on…
Thank you for helping me realize I am lucky that when I started group fitness classes that my male Zumba instructor would say affirming phrases to validate us.
Thanks for sharing — if only all instructors could be like that guy! 🙂
Maybe that is why I haven’t been able to lose my weight (again). I want to get back into the white pants. Wrong motivation.
Yes, focusing on the joy of it is way more motivating than white pants…and if you stay focused on the joy, those white pants might just fit. Good luck!
Love this. I am a runner and triathlete for the reasons you mentioned. Love that my kids and I can ski and hike together and that they have started running and doing triathlons too. What dress? I’d rather wear exercise gear any day of the week!
Go Feather, go! Thanks for the comment…and for being one of those women our kids need to see! Thanks for sharing and for stopping by!
I love this post. You put into words so beautifully what I am trying to achieve with my 6 children everyday. I cycle and dabble in triathlons for the same reason and love it that my kids all love sport and being outdoors with me! Reblog-ed! Thanks.
Wow — you have six children and you’re doing triathlon!? You’re MY inspiration! Thanks for the comment and the re-blog. Be well!
Reblogged this on 8isgr8 and commented:
So simply put – many of the reasons I swim, cycle run and other stuff!!) I hope you enjoy and are as inspired a I was by this blog!
Have a Super Sunday!!
Jacqueline
Loved it! This is what our girls need to hear and I am glad my mom focussed on being confident and self sufficient than about my unshaped eyebrows or my weight.
Thanks for your comment, Jeeva. Moms have so much power in shaping how we feel about ourselves — glad you have a wonderful one!
Oh yes I do- she is a woman of steel and so was my grandmom.
Amy, Thanks for sharing this article. Sometime we forget what really is important.. Cam
Great job – right or wrong, we also say that if they want desert, they’ll have to “earn it” by exercising. When a sports season starts up for my girls they LOVE to hit the freezer for some ice cream AND they love the achy muscles after a hard workout so they know their bodies were working.
Wow! I think I needed this today! I have been so focused on how much I want to look like (insert famous VS model here) and make a guy swoon that I never thought about how my negative self image could be effecting my daughter. Going to have to re-think things! Maybe I will actually start to like working out…?
Jordan – Yes, if you can find something you love, you are much more likely to feel (and look) great. Thanks for your comment, and best of luck to you!
It’s all about finding the form of exercise you love! I used to run and attend fitness classes, but always felt I had muster up energy to go. I found bouldering/climbing about 4 years ago and spend every free minute I have climbing, and my vacations and weekend trips are now all revolved around camping and finding a new spot to climb! I feel healthier and more fit than ever, and love feeling connected with nature. Find what you love to do, and you’ll love going! 🙂
Thank you so much for this! As someone who grew up hearing “Fat is the enemy of all mankind” and “you’d better eat everything I put on your plate” from the same person, I came to adulthood with a strange view on body image and exercise as the way to look good. At 52, I’m just now starting to live what you wrote, and it has changed me.
Thanks so much for sharing. I’m so happy that you have fallen in love with exercise for all the right reasons. It’s never too late!
Love this, very much , I teach group fitness with babies and toddlers and preschoolers in strollers and I have always said strong to stronger, and look at the active living we are I stilling from birth on… Good message and yes yes yes, it feels amazing to cross a finish line. Good read, well written! Sweat in my strong friend !
Strong to stronger — I love that! Might even use it in a future post. Thanks for your comment and all you’re doing for those new moms!
Loved the article (read it multiple times already) and the saying “strong to stronger”. I started to work out again 5 months ago after a long hiatus and reading stuff like this keeps me motivated!
Reblogged this on Change Today, Change Your Life and commented:
I’m not a mother, but this still struck a cord with me. I am a big believer in the idea that fitness equals strength, clarity, and opportunity.
Exercise for fun, for your mental well being, or to take your power back. It doesn’t have to be a chore. Finding something you love.
Thanks for your comment and for the re-blog! And yes, this message isn’t just for parents. If we’re going to change the way people feel about exercise, everyone needs to be this change! Be well!
Awesome post…thanks for sharing your heart and passion. I couldn’t agree with you more. I sent this to my two girls (17 and 19) and shared the link on our corporate wellness site as I know many others would love to read this message and will be inspired by it. I checked out some of your other posts…and want to wish you well in your goal of standing on your hands in different countries : )
Thanks for your comment, Patty. And most importantly for sending to your daughters! They are our future!
I loved this so much. I think we focus so much on just the appearance aspect of it all instead of the health aspect. I had to very recently re-evaluate my journey and posts like this remind me how right I am for wanting to do so!
Oh and it’s something I hope my son knows too since I have a son and daughters 🙂
Yes, every person can benefit from this message — my little daughter is just the one who made me it particularly real for me!
brynnharrington, I don’t have children, but I have nieces that I love very much. I live what you’ve written, but this makes me realize that I should be more open about sharing the strength and benefits — just what you’ve written — with my nieces. I’ve bookmarked this under “all-time best.” Thanks for your insights!
Wow, I love this. Thank you for this post!
Thank YOU for your comment! Be well…
Reblogged this on With Grit and Glee… and commented:
I love this article and can relate to it completely after my personal journey with exercise in the last year.
There are many points Brynn touches on but the most meaningful to me would have to be #8: “If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.”
Only after challenging my body with POUND and seeing the results of my body consistently meeting and exceeding the challenge (mentally and physically) have I really felt comfortable in my own skin.
Reblogged this on our healthy (diabetic) life and commented:
One of the best articles about the importance of fitness I’ve read in awhile! Being active shouldn’t be about clothes, or image. It’s about making life *better*….fuller. Beautifully written.
Your words are inspiring, indeed and they surely come from a STRONG and CONFIDENT mind with lots of clarity! 🙂
Thanks, Armita! 🙂
This is beautiful. Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing!!! So well written and so true. Great words of wisdom for all of us mamas out there 🙂
I reblogged this on my blog Fit Fab Mommy: and commented…
“A friend shared this post with me and I had to share it with all of the moms and moms-to-be. It is so well written and so true. I too want my daughter (and daughter on the way) to be healthy and happy, but I want her to go about it the right way. I want her to be fit because she understands why it is important (for health) and it makes her feel good, not because she wants to look a certain way because of what society or magazines tell her. I am very passionate about health and fitness and I hope I am teaching her healthy habits so that she too feels strong, powerful and in control living a fit and healthy lifestyle. I want to thank the author for sharing her words of wisdom and hope that everyone passes her message along!”
I also really like the message of this article. I enjoy working out, especially running, and I hit the gym 5-6 times a week. One day my 7 yr old daughter asked why I go to the gym so much. I told her it was so I can stay healthy so I can keep up with her and my other children (I have 4). She accepted that answer with a big smile. Now when we talk about being healthy my older children often mention working out as well as eating our vegetables. I love that I am setting an example of health not vanity and insecurity. My children have never heard me say I feel/look fat or ugly. Not that I have never had those days, but I make it a point to be grateful for my healthy body that gave birth to 4 beautiful children.
Fabulous post and oh so true! While looking good in a certain dress may be an added bonus to being fit – it is never my reason to start with. I want to live, experience, play, run, jump and enjoy life by being fit!
Thank you for the great article. I am blessed with a slim build and a relatively high metabolism. However, active lifestyle is also, well, a way of life. I always park my car at the far corner of the parking lot, take the stairs instead of the elevator/escalator a majority of the time, eat health supportive foods, drink lots of water…..I am asked by many, “What’s your secret?” None seem to believe my answer. Once I was asked, “Which exercise machine should I buy?” I told the young lady, “One you would actually use. You already have everything you need to get/stay fit, you know that right?” I got a blank stare. I exercise because it feels good, it helps me sleep, it increases my strength, it manages my back pain…yes, my back actually is painful when I am sedentary for too long. Courtesy of a car accident many years ago, and a crush disk because of a sneeze, of all things. Did you know that most back injury happen because of sneezing?
Keep up the good work. Healthy is what we are after……exercise makes us feel good, and when we feel good, our light shine, whatever dress we are wearing. Let’s exercise to give our inner light a chance to shine!
Fitness makes me self confident. My daughter will never hear me say,”I’m having a fat day.” I am blessed to have the energy & capabilities to run ultra marathons. I feel younger and stronger each year! That’s the way to live.
Really enjoyed this blog post – can’t agree more with it. I’m tired of reading posts focused solely on the aesthetic outcomes of exercise! Take time to smell those pinecones people! Look forward to reading more
Fantastic!
What a fantastic article! You’ve eloquently put into words what I’ve been “preaching” (through action) to my daughter and son over the last 19 years. Your #6 is the one nearest and dearest to our hearts. My kiddos learned at an early age to say, “Hey mom…maybe you should go for a run outside. You’ll feel better.” Now, I see my own daughter hopping on her bike after a stressful day of college classes or prep for finals. My son uses a heavy bag or a hiking trail as a man cave to get teenage stuff sorted out. What an awesome message to our children.
I have my own blog and with your permission, humbly request to use this article sometime–my audience would love it!
Reblogged this on 3yearstothirty and commented:
This is how I would like to look at fitness, but still often end up stuck on appearances. As someone who has been around individuals who suffer from eating disorders, it becomes a daily reminder to be thoughtful and kind to your body and the way you speak about it around others. There are little ears everywhere!!
Reblogged this on Happiness comes to you when it comes from you and commented:
“But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency.”
Thank you! I just finished completing my 3rd half-marathon in 13 months and you reminded me why I started walking, then running 18 months ago. My training runs and races are times for me to get outside and just be.
I thought this article was great, although I don’t think its any healthier to teach your daughters that they need to stay fit to run away from rapists in dark alleys than it is to use a dress as motivation! Everyone has different motivation, I guess. Whatever keeps you healthy!
Reblogged this on I'll drink to that and commented:
I don’t usually reblog just because I like to write about my own thoughts…but these words really resonated with me. I get grief from some about being a workout junky or caring too much about my physique…but this post explains why. THIS is why I do it.
Excellent. I notoriously work(ed) out in men’s gyms since my 20’s as I never wanted the goal to be how I looked but how I feel, and the strength I gained. At 60 now, my husband and I work out together with pro-boxers. It’s about mental awareness, focus, and of course the fitness is an added bonus in a league of it’s own. If I had a 14 yr old daughter (or son) , today, they’d be training with us!
Yay! Thank you SO MUCH for posting this. Can I (if I can figure it out – repost it on my WordPress blog – http://turinofitness.com/ or maybe my FB page??) Thanks, Sarah Turino – Turino Fitness
Sure, thanks for the re-post Sarah! Be well!
Love this post! I get grief from people who don’t understand why anyone would want to run/hike/swim/cycle until it hurts. They think I do it just so that I can have a “bikini body”. While that is a nice side effect, it’s about so much more than that. Thank you for setting the record straight!
I started working out after my daughter was born to live a long and healthy life and hopefully be an inspiration to her. my mother never worked out or exercised so it took me 30 years to figure out that this feels good!
This is one of the most poignant articles on health I’ve read in a LONG time. Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It resonated with me!
love this! perfect!