10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- 10 Things You Should Know About Working Out | ericplantenberg.com
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | wachsbodywork
- Day 26: Why should we work out? | Embracing Your Dualism: 365 Day Challenge to love body and soul
- What I Wore to Work: Pants Edition | The Style Files
- Daily News, Wed, Dec 4
- Such a great post from a fellow blogger! | Live, Learn, Travel, Teach
- Balance Roundup: 4 December 2013 | Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.
- Favorite Blog Post this Week: Why Exercise? If You're Working Towards the Skinny Jeans... Stop. | Little Things, Big Difference
- Wisdom Wednesday: On working out, therapy, and other deep thoughts (don’t worry, they’re not mine) | Lifeducation
wellfesto 
Excellent piece. These are all important lessons for sons too….all children!
“Total Bullshit”…Been there …done that….Go out for a walk with your daughter, husband “and son”…smell the roses…Watch what you eat & drink and if you enjoy running. hiking and biking…do it and have fun… life is way to short for all this bullshit…
This is fantastic. I cringe whenever I hear women OR men associate exercise with guilt, shame, atonement (for dietary “sins”), etc…especially when it is in front of my sisters (19 and 10). My goal is to set a positive example for all the women in my life by joyfully embracing an active lifestyle in every possible capacity rather than guiltily fulfilling my fitness “obligations.”
Thank you for such an inspiring piece!
Read this post while holding my 12-day old daughter. Thank you for your bold and necessary words on the distorted motivational words used at the gym. I’m a frequenter at my gym and love attending a spin class occasionally but I can get caught up in these harmful statements and forget self-love. Keep up the great work!
Amen!
Great article! I’ve lost a lot of weight over the last year, and it’s my 3 kids that truly inspire me. I want my kids to have healthy habits and to make healthy choices, and I know I have to be that role model for them. In my life, it’s not about a dress…it’s about feeling great and being able to get up and have the energy to keep up with them. I didn’t want to be the mom sitting on the sidelines watching, I want to be the mom out there in the middle of the action with my kids.
I love it until there is a value judgment that posits working out makes you better than others. Working out the most does not always mean the most hard-working. I work many overtime hours a week for my non-profit. Am I not hard-working enough because my knees won’t let me run a marathon? In fact, my competitive biking/running co-workers often skip out on vital tasks and deadlines for their workouts, leaving others to do it. I am highly dedicated to my community and my job and put in just as many hours to those things as people do to marathons, and those make me just as worthy for a job.
WoW What a great blueprint for a happy existence. so much free stuff is written about how to be a better person better investor better partner better parent better lover but most of what is written is just stuff. You reallY hit on some important points which I hope to share with mY children, spouse and patients…..rbass9@gmail.com thank you
What a heartfelt message — Thanks Dr. Bass!
so true. Thanks.
This is great, but did you offer that feedback to the instructor?
Reblogged this on Dropping the Baggage and commented:
My children are boys, but I believe this message applies to them too.
My father just forwarded me your post.
Thank you so much for your wise words.
Reblogged this on Project Buddha Baby.
Love this! Very well written and great advice for anyone; especially if you happen to be a role model or a teacher like myself. I love the outdoors and can’t imagine my life without being able to access the wonders the world has to show us!
Zannie,
Richard will know I’m now 84 and still go to keepfit and ballroom dancing not to mention my daily workout on my treadmill. Being fit msakes you feel good no matter what your age,Mel
Reblogged this on RachelEvelyn.
Wow! Beautifully said! Made me cry. Everything you said is so true! Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts. I will pass this on to my 3 daughters, as well as others.
THIS IS SO AWESOME! Thank you. I’m sending this to my teen daughter.
This applies to men as well. Thanks for sharing!
I have to disagree a bit with #1 … while I certainly appreciate the sentiment behind “it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley”, I’d suggest that it be more important for my daughter to be able to beat the everliving snot out of anyone foolish enough to attack her, and through strength for it to be impossible for an assailant to take advantage of her …
Love what you have written.. Pure inspiration for anyone.. And so glad to know that its not for “The Dress” .. but how good it makes you feel on the inside and how capable it makes you on the outside… I’m trying to set my health right and your blog will just make me want to push myself harder… I’ll read it over and over again…
Reblogged this on A Mess of Gorgeous Chaos and commented:
A wonderful piece to read…
I love this. I actually skipped going to several classes just before and after Thanksgiving and worked out at home instead because I knew that the instructors were going to spend the entire class talking about how we needed to make this workout count to make up for Thanksgiving indulgences. It drives me nuts! I work out because it helps keep me sane and makes me feel good. Great post.
Thanks for the inspiration I needed today to keep moving, enjoying my life to the fullest and provide an inspiration to my own daughters … great stuff !
the end of your post really gave me a positive feeling , it was nice to read it all 🙂
As a person who walked off the path into an unhealthy situation I commend you on the direction you are taking with your daughter.
While those reasons are logical and utilitarian, you missed the most important one. It’s the one all humans are ultimately seeking twenty-four hours a day with our various methods and their rationalizations. And it’s the ONLY reason the little ones are going to hear and absorb, anyway, so you might as well start with it:
It’s fun.
Children play just because it feels good. Left to their own devices, they move around frenetically, exploring their world with energetic abandon, living in the center of health as a byproduct. Adults pay other people grotesque amounts of money to train them to move around and use our bodies for what they were meant to do naturally, then complain about it..
Who’s teaching who, here?
BEAUTIFUL point. I wholeheartedly agree. As adults, we forget how to play and for me, moving my body is one thing that reminds me. Thank you so much for this comment.
Thank you very much.
I dare you to put your money where your mouth is and wear a crazy hat on top of your bike helmet next time you’re out shredding some steep hills. You have no idea how many jaded workaholic types will respect and envy you for it as they pass you in their safe, boring, respectable SUVs, not to mention your kids. Until they’re teenagers, of course, at which point all things “parent” will automatically become embarrassing.
All the more reason. (evil laugh)
Thanks so much for this! I’m going to share a link on my blog today and hopefully direct some more people your way. We all need to look at fitness and at our bodies this way.
Reblogged this on kennedys ✌.
Reblogged this on julielatourblog.
Thank you for so beautifully putting in writing what I have recently discovered myself about exercise. I am looking forward to this journey, and will need some inspiration and encouragement…I can totally see your blog being a part of that! 😀
that is a lot of information. well done!!!
I felt I had to comment about this post, because in some ways I think you’re as guilty as the class teacher for preaching reasons to work out. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great if doing the things you mention are your drivers for exercising… But not everyone is like that. Some people are far more motivated by looking good. Shallow though this may seem to many people, I really don’t think that it means that it’s wrong. Anything that gets you up and moving is surely a good thing. Your teacher could maybe have varied her motivational encouragement, and you could perhaps have a word with her, but just as fitting into ‘that dress’ left you cold, perhaps ‘come on feel the burn, it’s gonna help you hike the Appalatian Trail’ might leave others just as cold? If your daughter or niece just wasn’t interested in the outdoors, would you try and find a way – any way – to get her interested in exercise, or would you just keep trying to convince her that your way of thinking was better for her?
Thanks for your comment. These are the things I would like to tell my daughter…they’re not the reasons every person should exercise by any stretch. I believe that we need to live authentic lives, sharing messages and examples that are true to who each of us is. Those are the ones that stick. So my hope for everyone out there is that they find a set of positive motivators and keep them top of mind. We are all beautifully different.
Congratulations form being freshly pressed. My trainer posted this a couple days ago on our private facebook group and we all agree 100% with you!
Reblogged this on Musings and commented:
Totally true!!!
And I’m glad my trainer also agrees with it (I actually saw the post first on her facebook group a couple days ago).
Excellent post! This is exactly how I feel and I can’t wait for the day that I get to share my love of the outdoors and healthy lifestyle with my future children. I grew up in a home where only one parent believes in exercise and healthy living and the other believes that genetics are against them. Now as a married woman, I find myself in the same situation. I want so badly for my husband to have the same values but it will take time. I want to be the same great role-model for my children as you are trying to be for yours.
Amazing! Such a great view on exercising 🙂
you make me want to work out… “moments…” i’m 26 and time is draining on my bed
This is great! In our society today a lot of peoples motivation for working out is to look good in that bikini or dress which is kind of sad to me. I think peoples motivation for working out should be to be healthy and feel better. Love the post, thanks for sharing!
Too true. I struggle with this myself – making sure my kiddo gets the right message even though some days my brain might be dealing with the wrong one. I love working out and I’m so happy when she wants to join me in activities. Great post, thanks!
I love this, so much, can’t wait to share it.