10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- 10-things-i-want-my-daughter-to-know-about-working-out – a spiritual take away | Making Changes & Thought Spill
- Fit-Link Friday: 8.15.14
- The Week: August 15, 2014 | Olio in Iowa
- My Paintbrush and Why I Work Out (and Other Things) - Weight Loss Blog
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | mikebraskideas
- Monday, August 18, 2014 - Nashville, TN CrossFit -- CrossFit Forte
- A Lesson to Learn at Any Age | Get in Shape for Women Santa Rosa
- What girls should know about exercise | Paperback Fool
- 140821 Skill Work & Partner WOD | CrossFit Regina
- Thursday Things - The Wheatless Kitchen
- 10 Things About Working Out | Mercer Island Crossfit
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | jsamfitness
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | Active Expat
- Tips for Postpartum Running - myactiveparents
- Chekkit, men! | hAAthi
- {Shared} What I want my daughter to know about working out | Nayra Salamanca
- WOD - 09/11/14 | CrossFit 13 Stars | Morristown, NJ
- Things I found — 9/11/14 | Runners Notes
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | TimRX
- Worth Reading — 9/17/14 | A Touch of Cass
wellfesto 
Are you kidding me! Every young boy and girl needs to have exposure to this upbeat article both by reading the article and and of course, seeing their parents in action. Good reading !!
Amen to all of that!
Reblogged this on wistful xtina.
Beautifully written! That’s exactly how we should be thinking about exercise. We should do it to enjoy life to the fullest, not to impress other people because of how we look in a dress.
If I start to spend any time worrying about other people’s reasons for exercise, I just eat an Oreo, watch another episode of Downton Abbey and head off to bed…..
Reblogged this on simplykristinedotcom and commented:
This a wonderful summation of how I feel about diet and exercise. I try to stress the importance of living a healthy and active lifestyle NOT to be skinny, NOT equating it to be beautiful, but to have the energy and health to enjoy so much more of what life and our world has to offer. It’s not about trying to be a size 4. It has everything to do about making you FEEL good.
I competed in Figure Bodybuilding years ago. It was A LOT of hard work, and took serious commitment. At the end of months on end of countless hours in the gym and near starvation tactics, I put on a little bikini and pranced around a stage so my body, my physique could be judged. I placed. I look back at that trophy now and remember that that moment felt a lot like a deflated balloon. All that hard work just to be judged by how I looked.
Fast forward 10 years. At the urge of a friend I decided to try to race in a Spartan obstacle race. It required some pretty intense, challenging and tough training. It took commitment, hard work, drive. I raced and did pretty darn good for my age. There was something soooooo much different this time. Crossing that finish line donning that big medal, covered in mud, and fully clothed. There was a sense of accomplishment and pride that trumped that silly Figure trophy infinitely!! It was ONLY my hard work and drive that got me across that finish line. It had nothing to do with how I looked. It had nothing to do with what anybody else thought. You know what? Tired, sore, covered in mud, scraped, bruised and bloody – I felt beautiful!!! Far and away more beautiful than I did tanned, made-up, with a glitzy bikini glued to my butt.
This is what fitness it. This is what being healthy is. It’s not a dress size. It’s not fitting into what anybody else’s ideal body image is. It’s about being able to get out there and take the world by storm. Climb mountains. Walk through forests. Play tag with kids.
Wonderful article! But I would be sure and tell her that like everything else in life moderation is key to perfect and lasting good health and happiness as well as maintaining peace of mind.
YES YEA YES YES! I absolutely love this post! It’s my hope everyone adopts this same attitude. Great words!
Reblogged this on klnobles and commented:
This is so true. As I’ve aged and am trying so hard to hang on to the fitness and strength I had when I was younger, I hope others see this.
SO TRUE! I love this message & try to live by this philosophy! I go to the Y every day because I WANT to, not have to. I love feeling strong & fit at 64 yrs & plan to continue, hopefully the rest of my life! Hope this inspires others as it has me!
Reblogged this on BABY MAMA and commented:
For Baby JoJo! My hearts desire is to raise my little girl to be a confident, creative, healthy, passionate, active, and loving woman.
Love this! I hate those radio commercials that talk about “that size” or “the swimming suit”. We need to send messages about being healthy, not being a certain size or shape. Thank you for a wonderful post! Love it.
And that it’s not the end of the world if you cross the finish line at the back of the pack. At least you started.
I love this. My children grew up enjoying working out and playing sports. My daughter who is now 41 enters triathlons often. She still plays sports, loves riding her bike and her children, a girl and a boy enjoy the same.
Reblogged this on rhymeswithtwinkles and commented:
Exactly.
Awesome. Made my day
Beautifully written! Spot on!
Reblogged this on Run with My Girl and commented:
This is what I want my daughter to hear in every mile I run…
I love this! Thank you for writing it so perfectly. I encouraged my daughters to play sports and I’m so glad they do. They think of themselves as warriors and are confident, fit and healthy. That’s all that’s important. Who cares what you look like in a bikini?
Reblogged this on upwardfit and commented:
Yep. I want my daughter to know all of this.
Reblogged this on Lit Grit and commented:
I love this, especially upon learning that exercise for me is life or death.
Reblogged this on I Run in the Rain and commented:
For Sadie: my sweet granddaughter. I love this piece.
Bravo!
I agree too except as a former golf professional the article seemed to through golf under the bus. It would have been nice to see golf included at the end of the article as one of the activities in nature that were healthy for women to participate in also, especially after implying riding a bike was a better option than golf as a way to network with other people.
I think the golf reference is about the venue it provides to men in positions of power; deals, decisions, etc., are made there and women have not had access to play along. Biking on the hand hasn’t excluded women from play alongside of men.
This article is very ableist, and I particularly have problems with items 3 and 7. I find it very troubling to associate work performance and networking abilities with the level of extreme “fitness” promoted in this article. The article overall seems to present the idea that one should be fit for THEMSELVES, and be defined in terms of one’s self. Items 3 and 7 argue that fitness is a desirable quality in the eyes of others, shifting the locus of control externally and assigning value and worth to one’s fitness level on a social level. It’s almost a scare tactic, implying that these opportunities are denied to those who don’t mountain bike, hike, or swim all the time. That is patently untrue, and to workout with those goals in mind is little different from working out to fit into a dress. Both are done to adhere to covert (and overt) social contracts that many people simply cannot honor due to disability or lack of access to the outdoors/fitness opportunities. Think low-income inner-city dwellers. Think of those suffering from arthritis, lupus, fibromyalgia, etc. Think of fat people, who already experience a high degree of discrimination, who CAN work out but certainly cannot ride a mountain bike. Even if they could, even if they worked out AND dieted would still experience workplace discrimination because they are perceived as lazy or weak-willed.
Short-sighted article, exclusionary tone, tying one’s self-esteem to what they are physically capable of doing. No thanks, not sharing that message with the kiddos in my life.
Absolutely agree
As a fat person, I can tell you that this is absolutely true. If you are overweight, there is a much greater tendency for people to assume that you are also lazy. It doesn’t matter how good of a worker you actually are if you’re not give the chance to prove it.
I totally agree with you. When you are overweight, you need to work twice as hard to prove yourself.
And you are assuming that being fat equals being unfit. Not necessarily true. Fit people can be all shapes and sizes and the reality is inarguably that fit people have access to more experiences that enrich their lives regardless of how others perceive them.
Absolutely; this was a great article except for those two (as if you can network while puffing up a hill on two wheels, anyway!). I don’t blame the author too harshly, though: unless you have lived as a fit hard-exercising nature lover and then watched a chronic illness turn you into a couch potato utterly against your will, you may not ever realize that inactivity is not always a choice.
I encourage more people to learn that lesson WITHOUT having to have a chronic (usually invisible to others) illness or disability teach it to you.
I think what she meant in #3 is that your level of fitness may correlate with the amount of activities you participate in which could allow you to meet more people (and grow your network) as a result. And having a strong social life is very much part of “internal” health. As for #7, I think it very much depends on the type of industry and the employer. Showing commitment on a resume is very important; sports and extreme hobbies (such as mountain climbing) are easy ways to show that.
I think you’re missing the point. She’s pointing out ways that her life has been enriched by fitness. Networking through a hike/run/bike ride is something that has enriched my life. That’s nothing against people that don’t/can’t hike/run/bike.
I don’t understand how one could find this article negative. Perhaps i may just have enjoyed it too much to see any negativity as it got me in a very optimistic state of mind.
As i see it number 7 suggests that self disciplined in something you love is success all in itself, w/out involving anything monetary or superficial – what society would deem ‘success’. And if you are hired for a job as a result of something natural as your own hard work ethic, that it is ultimately a very positive & encouraging achievement that can also bolster ones confidence.
I can understand you may have a problem w/ number 3 but seriously that’s 1 out of 10 awesome points. Perhaps she may even elaborate further to properly comprehend her message. It’s abit harsh to criticize something that is merely 2 & a half lines long and totally dismiss the entire article as a result.
The inspiration she had for writing this article also helps clarify her intentions. She wasn’t being exclusionary, and she wasn’t tying self-esteem with physical capability although that is one positive side effect. She explains that she doesn’t exercise for approval or image, she does it to feel good and to have experiences with nature and with others, and she doesn’t want her daughter to feel obligated to exercise for any dress or anyone but herself. People who are overweight can be fit and she’s just pointing out the positive effects in points 3 and 7. Although it’s true that not everyone can exercise, everyone can experience determination, empowerment, and nature in other ways. Anyway this article was aimed at those who might need to change their motivation for exercise.
Great article and strong points made. However, I disagree that people who work out, run marathons, climb, etc., are hard working and better employees. That line of thought is discriminating towards people perceived as “out of shape”. I am a mother of three, work a 30 hour a week administrative job, and attend graduate school. I walk, hike when I have time and garden. I am a size 16 and have perfect cholesterol, blood pressure of a teen, and eat healthy. I work with a 27 year-old single woman who works out every morning and then comes to work complaining about how she feels so tired. Recently, we had a project that required us to move several full file boxes and she complained about the hard work the entire time.
Be careful making snap decisions about anyone who doesn’t use a stair climber every day. They may be your boss one day.
Good Points Jessica
The way that I perceived #7 was commitment in a marathon, or mountain climbing. Using exercise as the base of her article, this was just another bullet point. Commitment for you as a working mother and a graduate student is yours!
I work out every day but I certainly wouldn’t put it on my resume.
Nothing about your personal life belongs on a resume, including your work-outs. And there are some not so great things that can be implied by participating in extreme sports. Raising four kids as a single mom while working and going to college takes as much dedication and perseverance (and more time management) as any extreme sport. and it doesn’t leave much time for exercise.
I truly believe in everything you said. We have a 27 year old son and a 23 year old daughter in which both were bought up this way. Our son is in the army for the last 10 years, and climbing the ranks rapidly. His last tour to Iraq he was in charge of his guys bought them there, brought them all back. To me that says a lot he was 25 at the time.
Our daughter is a social worker and working on her masters 6 months into the field she received employee of the month. There again at 22 that’s saying a lot.
They were both brought up with the word (can’t) not allowed in their vocabulary.
They both work out, our daughter is a black belt and can fix her own car and motorcycle. Our son works out religiously and has the 6 pack and arms to show.
There is a lot to be said about the discipline that is learned, they carry that with them in their careers and personal life.
It has formed them into strong, confident, reliable, positive thinking young adults.
In which we are very proud of both!
Your children watch and learn from you, every parent should want to set an example like you stated to give them the opportunity to make the best of their life.
Hopefully a lot of parents will read your blog and work it into their lives.
Think of how this would shape the next generation and prevent a lot of unnecessary illness.
Great work!
Beautiful piece about something that often gets overlooked. Working out is so much about a feeling you get on the inside and should never be a sacrifice for some two dimensional reason that basically adds up to “you aren’t currently good enough”.
I am so glad someone actually got the point of this article, instead of looking for ways to be offended by the inverse argument. I only have a son, but I hope to teach this to him, and that he seeks out people in his life that have this same philosophy.
Reblogged this on Corporate Skirts and commented:
Love her list … and I certainly agree that we teach more by example then by instructions!
Fantastic article!! Every parent should be teaching their children this!!