10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | 9to5active
- Power and Perks of Working Out | FIT for Rest of Your Life
- Party In My Tummy | CrossFit Lake Highlands
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | Sweet P's Kitchen- #beautifulfood
- Reasons to Bike Commute in YEG | House of Flurfel
- What’s your motivation? | Fit and Healthy Females
- Ten lessons I hope to one day share with my son | JP Training Systems
- A MUST READ! “10 things I want my daughter to know about working out.” | livewell.lovealways
wellfesto 
This is great advice for us all to remember, whether we have daughters, sons, or no children at all.
Love this. Agree all around. I hope to inspire my daughter to be proud of her body for what it can do, not how it looks in a “that dress.”
I started exercising 2 -3 times a week two months ago when a switch finally went off in my brain and I stopped thinking about what I would lose (weight) and focused on all I could gain. This list pretty much gets it! If you don’t have a daughter, its something you can always tell yourself. Oh, and its never too late – I am 45 years old, and my active life has just begun.
Great article we have shared it on our Facebook page. (https://www.facebook.com/FITpasfit)
This states exactly what we believe. Specifically loved point #4 being active doesn’t always have to involve a gym. There are hundreds of ways to be active and improve your life.
This put such a huge smile on my face. Thank you for writing this! 🙂
Really love what you wrote here ! Well done. I agree 100% (even though I am struggling to keep up on the fitness) but you have the right message and inspired me once again to keep aiming on the fit and healthy !
Yes! Fabulous post. I’m sharing too!
Wonderful! Your words really resonated with me, as I too am raising a daughter, and trying to teach her similar messages about the joy of working out / being fit, and how powerful it can make you feel. Well said.
Keep your mind and body strong, and your voice heard. Thanks for posting. Fantastic insight and perspective that speaks to this dad raising two girls. I’ll ensure my daughters get to read this!
Love, love, love this. I have recently started on a journey of weight loss, and while looking better was part of it, being healthier and setting an example for my kids is a bigger motivation. I’ve always been comfortable with my body, but I want (esp) my daughter to see that being healthy is the best motivation for an active lifestyle. Thanks so much for articulating your thoughts so very well. Will definitely get my daughter to read this an appropriate age.
and equally important message for boys- this a human message, not limited to gender
WOW. Thank you so much for this! It was written soo perfectly! All of those thoughts have been jumbled up inside of my head but you just cleared them up for me. I agree with you %100. This is what it’s all about, and this is why it’s easy for me to be consistent. I LOVE the way I FEEL afterwards. Thank you thank you for your inspiring message!
I am going to post this on my page as I feel this is the message that women need to hear. Wonderfully written, succinct and authentic. You have made me even more determined to hammer this message home to my clients. Thank you.
Wow, love this post. It is so true. Our daughters are inundated with information geared to make themselves feel bad about their bodies, and that exercise should be something we do ‘to push ourselves to the limit’, almost like self flagellation! As you say, there has to be a healthier approach, one which promotes exercise as a privilege, a benefit and a joy.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Precisely why we encourage it in our house 🙂
This is great! Ill be posting it next to my treadmill!
An EXCELLENT article, thank you!
“Little eyes are always watching” – actually one of the top messages that I think it’s important for girls to hear is that No-one Is Looking At You
– Life isn’t a long cat walk. You don’t need make-up on or to have straightened your hair or shaved your legs before you can walk out of the door and live.
– Clothes above all need to be comfortable and practical.
– Being intelligent, interested in how the world works and kind will in the long run get you a fuller and more enjoyable life with more friends than an obsession with your body.
– Look after your body, but it’s only a very small part of what you are, so don’t let it take over your life.
There is a lot of value in this commentary for a father of three sons as well. Self value should not be based on a “hollywood” look, but rather on a wholistic persona. Teaching our kids to not be focused on whether we appear to be attractive or not, but focused on being a complete person should be our goal. Great article!
Well said, and so true.
This is so true, so important, and so well-written. Thank you! I’ll be sharing with friends AND – most importantly – going out of my way to make sure my daughters hear the RIGHT message!
This article is amazing!!
Being fit is a privilege not everyone gets to have! If you and your daughter are healthy and mobile, that’s great, but it also means you both should be aware of those who are not as physically able, and include them in your world.
woah, tetchy! I’m sure there are many more than 10 diverse reasons to exercise but I don’t see why looking ‘good’ (however you want to define it) should be expunged. it’s one of the reasons why I’d exercise
I love this…have shared it all over the place! Amazing content and words everyone should hear!
This is excellent. Thank you. A breath of fresh air. I’m a spiritual coach and my signature program is called “The Body Love Journey”. It’s a one-year group coaching program where I teach women how to unravel all the illusions they have been taught about their bodies and themselves. As women we need to be inspired to take care of ourselves because it is what’s right and good, not because we need to measure up or fit in THAT DRESS (as you say). Great work and continue spreading the message! This kind of work is so important! Warmly, Carmen Jubinville @ http://www.carmenjubinville.com
Thanks. This is fantastic and resonated so much. This is very much the same with food. The starting point to healthy eating is to enjoy your food and have a healthy relationship with food. We put our food prejudices on our children, categorise food so food has become so prescriptive and nutrient focussed. Let’s teach our children good tastes/smells/sights as well as healthy choices, taking time over all aspects of food, respect for what they eat and for their nutrition health.
This should be distributed to every fitness instructor and every gym teacher. I’d like to add: “We keep fit to take care of our own bodies, not to look good for anyone else.”
Great Post. I hope you fed-back to the teacher the impact of her remarks. She probably said them unconsciously and didn’t even realise the impact.of her words. As a female SCUBA instructor in my 50’s I know the value of being fit and active, especially when I have to pull a 180lb man out of the water and onto the beach, even if it is just for practice.
A wonderful article.A beautifully written article. I can’t say that strongly enough. We need to give the message to our young sons, too. From psalms, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. The emphasis on exercising for appearance’s sake trivializes the gift of our body, our health and our potential as human beings. Thank you for your work!
I wish someone like you was around me when I was growing up. I was taught to sit still, read to improve my mind, but exercise and fitness was always associated with being a jock–something I did not want to be. My gym teachers made fun of me, my classmates made fun of me, because I was big and clumsy to the point where I just wanted to disappear. Now, it is very difficult to exercise, because every time I exercise it brings back that emotional trauma I felt as a kid. I not only have to fight with my sluggish body, but with that leftover feeling that everyone is about to start making fun of me. That is why I will never exercise in a gym. Long walks, Pilates in the morning, and dancing alone in my basement is what I do.
As the Mama of a baby girl in the era of Mileys and Britneys and Rhiannas, I often wonder how I’m going to navigate the body image conversations I’ll inevitably have with her – and it’s posts like this that give me guidance to ensure that she sees exercise, “as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress.” Her body is her temple, and you’re absolutely right: leaving the whole “how you’re gonna look in that dress” part of the conversation is super important to help her learn to respect and take proper care of it. We live in a pretty scary, confusing world, at least it is for me as a Mama! I just hope to remember to reference this post years from now, when that conversation comes up. Thank you.
Thanks so much for this. It’s the kick in the rear that I have needed for a long time.
Thanks so much for this robin, I live a very active lifestyle just for the pure enjoyment of it. My 10 year old daughter is a dancer and aspires to be a professional ballet dancer. I preach all the time about fitness for strength in mind and body, not for looks. As well as proper healthy nourishment to fuel your body to allow it to perform to the best of its ability. So important in her dance world where she is surrounded by stick thin dancers and eating disorders. I think this article will be our night time read tonight.
This is something I would definitely do. A good read!
This is marvellous… but you have left out one magnificent sport that encompasses strength, dedication, 7 days a week 52 weeks a year commitment, passion, patience, courage and never minding about the weather or ‘that dress’ – equestrian sports!
Wonderful and marvellous article – but… you have left out one sport that requires patience, strength, passion, courage, 7 days a week 52 weeks of the year commitment, never minding the weather and certainly not worrying about ‘that dress’ – equestrian sports! Look at our equestrian Olympic team members if you want to see magnificent role models x
Awesome article. One of my proudest “parent moments” was when my 8 y.o. asked to go for a run with me. Since she has been young, she has watched me lace up my sneakers at 6am for my morning run. The fact that she wanted to go with me to do something she knows I love, meant so much. She and her 4 y.o. sister have already said that they want to run a half marathon with me one day. My response to them is “You bet. It’d be an honour.”
You know I try to make young women and girls to understand this. Most get it but others have been brainwashed into believing they have to be what others think they should. If you can be a strong woman(person) mentally and physically you are well rounded. Who gives a crap about that damn dress. The last time I wore a dress was for halloween. I floored every body there. Stockings, garters the whole ball of wax. I don’t even own a dress, they make me feel naked.
I’m 60 and I wish I could say I have been active all my life. I never participated in sport when I was growing up. I did walk, ride my bike, camp, hike, swim, run. But as I got older, I did nothing at all. When I reached my 50s, I realised that I was nearly a hundred pounds overweight and if I didn’t do something soon, I would be in a wheelchair in my 60s. So I started to go to the gym and I took a rowing course. I fell in love with rowing and have never looked back. I don’t row as much anymore and I miss it.
LOVE this. What I great perspective! I am going to share this post with everyone I know!
Yes to every word of this! I teach a spin class and my two year old daughter regularly comes to watch. She also comes along on walks and sees me lifting weights in our home gym. To her, it’s part of her normal life, and that’s amazing. She won’t hear me talk about calories or far or berate myself in the mirror. Thank you for writing this. I hope you don’t mind me sharing it.