10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- Thanksgiving 2013 | Ketchup and Noodles
- 11 29 13 » CrossFit BMW: Benchmark Workouts
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | wellfesto | 235 Tri Daddy
- Another week roars to a close | Look! Squirrel!!
- Random Friday | Kathy Kenzie
- Friday Five: Reading About Running—Nov 29, 2013 Yuri in a Hurry
- For the Kids: Why You Should Exercise | Jenkins Family Blog
- 64 Things Worth Reading
- 73 неща, които си заслужава да прочетете
- Fitness News Round-up | Fitness Over 50
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | My Ego And Me
wellfesto 
This is a fantastic piece- I’m sharing it far and wide. I run a fitness business in Singapore that was built on this ethos and even have on the site “it’s not about fitting into a dress or the number on a scale, it’s about being at peace with your body, strong in your daily life, and comfortable in your own skin.”
Living by the principles you outlined can be a challenge, especially for women who work in the fitness industry, not only due to social conditioning but because we are inundated with requests to “lose 30 pounds by Christmas” or “look great at my cousin’s wedding.” It’s always so superficial- that’s generally the primary motivator.
Being able to lace up your shoes and run to wherever you need to go, or cycle to another country, or lift a ridiculously heavy weight when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders- that is FREEDOM and STRENGTH. Thanks for articulating it so beautifully and succinctly.
I love this, I’m struggling with loosing wait and feel bad I don’t fit into THAT dress and I love the way you turned it around o what it should be about good advise! Will be taking my 5 year old daughter out for walk tomorrow!!
Love this! My only minor qualm is the insinuation that a healthy active lifestyle and catching up with friends at a bar have to be mutually exclusive. My husband and I are avid skiers, bikers, sailors, plus work out regularly (I’m a former yoga teacher myself), but we are also registered craft beer judges and love to catch up with our friends at a bar. It’s all about balance and moderation (and allowing one other joys in life).
Aside from that, I 100% agree with presenting health and activity to one’s kids from the perspective of how it benefits your life, not focusing on “fitting into that dress”. The fattest and unhappiest I’ve ever been, I was actually working out constantly, BUT because I was solely focusing on trying to lose weight to look better, I kept gaining. The second I let go of that and focused on embracing the way I looked, but wanting to feel better and live healthier, suddenly I dropped 40lbs. Now I’m in between. It’s not about how you look, it’s about how you feel and the freedom fitness affords you in life!
This should be read by all parents, teachers, coaches and role models a like. Thank you.
This was primarily intended for the ladies.. it is just as applicable to men. Thank you, it is inspiring!
What a great article, we love and shared it on our FB page. Thanks for writing.
Beautifully written, but if I can say that this doesn’t only apply to girls or ladies. It is equally important for our sons to hear these same words as well. A healthy active lifestyle is vitally important for the men in our lives as well.
Fantastic article .Spread far and wide please.
I love the idea of sharing this with my daughter–especially number 8. Good work. Good IMPORTANT work.
As a fitness instructor for over 30 years I couldn’t agree more. Exercise is joy! I deliberately NEVER talk about calories or size or food or anything that associates exercise as punishment or a chore. Great article and your daughter is blessed to have you in her life.
Great post! Shared this on facebook and as a fitness instructor you don’t always realize that what you say can translate into thoughts like this. Thank you!
Really enjoyed your perspectives on this topic. Thank you.
agreed….I never felt those types of ‘motivational signals’ were at all helpful or motivational either….and never the reason that I work out!!!! thank you!
This is awesome!!!! Thank you!!!! Exactly why i do it!!!!! Love this!
Yes! I spent many years beating my body up for not measuring up and trying to fit into that dress or meet some expectation of someone. I am so done with all of that! One of the other great reasons to work out is to nurture your body, to care for yourself kindly, to learn how to work with and support your body instead of doing battle with it. Thank you for your excellent post!
I fitness-train seniors who’ve lived a life of indoctrination – join a gym, pump that iron, get that bikini body, washboard abs, pump those vitamins etc. – mostly bunk, unrelated to good health which is behind true beauty and happiness. This article helps to adjust their fitness gyroscope. Nurture your Inner Child your entire life. Be the role model for others thru your own example.
This is beautiful. 8 Years a made a promise that would break the cycle of self depracating banter that i learmed from my mother and she from hersgo upon the birth of my first daughter, I committed to myself
This is beautiful. Eight years, upon the birth of my first daughter, I made a promise that would break the cycle of self depracating banter about my body image, that I learned from my mother and she from her
Eight years, upon the birth of my first daughter, I made a promise that would break the cycle of self depracating banter about my body image, that I learned from my mother and she from hers. It was suprisingly easy and very freeing!! Thank-you for so eloquently expressing my heart for my three daughters. Absolutely beautiful.
Thank you for this WONDERFUL article!!! Like some other people who commented, you’ve really “GOT it” — exercise is about making us feel good from the inside out.
I think I’m pretty careful about what I say to my daughter about exercising — mostly it’s about her needing to exercise so her brain can work better after sitting at school for too long!
Thanks again!
http://www.janinedaltonmarketing.com
I just e-mailed this to my 13 year old daughter. As a father I can’t relate to some aspects of your post, but on the other 90% I agree 100%. We are a sports family, not to be thin or look a certain way, but for the character development and dedication that comes from hard workout, the confidence of our daughter being able to protect herself (judo), and the rush of stepping onto the competition surface, meeting new people and travelling with the team.
I enjoyed the point of view given in the ’10 Things…’ article. YES! to all the ideas related to self and towards daughters. As a mom with 2 daughters and 2 sons, may I add that our sons, too, learn the same lessons.
this is incredibly well-written and heartfelt. never mind just telling this to any daughter i might have — it’s a wonderful reminder for every woman who wants to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a healthy mentality toward their body and fitness. thank you!!
How beautiful! Such an inspirational article for women worldwide! Thank you for posting this 🙂
Exceptional article Brynn. The best I’ve ever read on this topic. Thank you! Now that I’m looking at the big “E” (exercise) as a fun, happy lifestyle choice, finding lots of natural activities that I truly love to do, it “feels” so much more healthy, clean, part of a good life, natural… ME!
Bravo!!! So well said. When I was coaching new runners I would motivate them by educating them about how they were lighting up their bodies with every strike and breath. Going into detail about oxygen, blood vessels, muscles and bones…it kept them more motivated than a dress ever could. They realized their choice was contributing to their life! I’ve extended that approach to women who struggle with food and/alcohol. ( http://www.pinkcloudcoaching.com )
Hey Brynn –
I take the same viewing of ‘working out’, but with a twist: I swear the hammer and shovel are the new golf course. If you take up a trade – regardless of your age – you will not only be in the best shape of your life, you will have a tangible build/creation at the end of every workout. What a deal.
Kindest, Andrea
http://www.habicurious.com
Yes, we are in the age of making, aren’t we? Look forward to checking out our site. Be well!
I will also try to teach this to my new little boy as he begins to get older. It’s not just lesson suited for girls! 🙂 Nice post and excellently worded values.
I absolutely love this! I am a runner who completed her first marathon this year. Do I have a runner’s body? Nope. Not even runner’s legs. But my sturdy legs get me where I want to go, and they have traveled many miles to keep me healthy and set a good example for my four daughters. I want them to know that STRONG is beautiful, and being fit gives you a sense of power. Thanks for this! – Casey in VA
And more thank yous! This is the message we should be sending. Its not about how you look, but about life long fitness- for so many reasons. The best health possible, and being a self-confident woman are the top two I can think of!
Reblogged this on akathoke.
Thank you! I teach Pilates and barre classes in Key West and I own the Southernmost lingerie store (http://www.silverkeylingerie.com) on this tiny island so I have met more than my fair share of teachers, women and daughters who inherit a certain attitude to body shape. We have to do more than talk about fitting into a dress. There is so much more to this message than vanity and fleeting fashion. It’s about a feeling, a way of being and your personal mental image. Bravo for passing that onto your daughter and the world.
These ten items seem to indicate that ‘working out’ has become some kind of belief system whereby women can achieve meaning in life. What happens when the reality of age sets in? injury? not being content with your image?
A ‘daughter’ would seemingly learn that these items are more important than being loved and cherished by a mother who is out to seek ‘self-glory’.
This is a sad state of affairs.
I would tell my daughter that her value isn’t found in the cult of fitness.
Yes this is so right on! I know many people see fitness as a chore when really it is a gift. Thank you for helping people to think of fitness this way. Maybe we can replace the term “working out” with “playing hard”.
I love this as the mother of a son and a daughter. I grew up thinking that a mom taking the time to exercise was selfish (yes, a therapist would have a field day on that one). I have just started to see the other side of it. For obvious reasons this hits home with me as far as my daughter goes, but I also want my son to grow up seeing his female friends exercising for themselves, their own well being, and because they love it, not just to look good for him and his friends. I want him to see it as a sign of internal strength in a woman, not a sign of vanity or a way to get attention. I want him to see the drive and commitment it requires, not just the nice legs. You have said it perfectly, thank you. I have bookmarked this and when I have one of those “so cozy at home” days, I will read this again and again 🙂
Love this! One thing that might relieve golfers is that golfing is a legitimate weight-bearing exercise. It’s not as leisurely as it looks. The elderly especially benefit from golfing, showing reduced likelihood of bone fractures. Can’t remember where I read this, but it was more than one source 🙂 I don’t enjoy golfing myself, but it’s good to know!
Reblogged this on After the kids leave and commented:
Dear Wendy,
Every now and then I happen across a post by someone else that says a whole bunch of things I wish I’d written myself. Here’s one of them: the author eloquently describes why fitness isn’t (or shouldn’t be) about “fitting into that dress” or “looking hot.” But I’ll let her tell you…
sounds like your girls are gonna grow up the right way!!!