10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | Simply Me.
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | THE BODY IMAGE PROJECT
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | rjclarke101
- Muscles on a Lady | November post round-up
- I sink into my couch and it makes me sad. « One Inconvenient Thing
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | Robbin's Nest
- 10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out | verbenanow
- Weekend Link Love | The Healthy Collective Weekend Link Love |
wellfesto 
Thank you so much for this. I am a health coach and also the mom of a 3 year old girl. I am fascinated and horrified that we are being told that our diet and lifestyle should be aimed at achieving a certain appearance. What ever happened to simply trying to feel our personal best? I move my body because it feels good. I buy clothes that fit the body I have now. My daughter sometimes joins me for yoga and I sometimes join her for “dance party time.” I hope this means she’ll be armed against some of these “exercise is suffering” messages as she gets older.
Fitness is the end, not the means.
This is fantastic! I’m adding it to my “weekend link love” post tomorrow!
wonderful, what great reminders and what a model for the little ones )
This is inspirational. Thank u for sharing & I in turn share it with the love of my life, MY daughter, Victoria.
Hello!
Yes, yes, yes! I love this! Surfing gives me the best feeling ever and when I am down it picks me up. To the 24 hour gym out there called the ocean, the forrests, the beach, the lakes etc. Bless!!
Elena
Wonderful article! I’ll be sharing it with my daughters 😉
Work out and eat to be healthy so you can use that brain…that will always make you beautiful !
Fabulous post! Such a great and important perspective!
I have just been teaching outdoors this am and posted a picture with this comment…
Whenever I teach at Clapham Common I choose to be by the bandstand. Not just because I hate mud, but because I love to see the kids stop playing so they can watch us and try to do what we are doing. Someone has to set the example right?! One little boy joined in with our jumping jacks today while his dad stood with the buggy smoking his cigarette. I’m grateful to the 20 ladies who got out of bed this am to come to NTC Train to Run and be the inspiration 🙂 x
this is inspiring but I wonder about sons too I have both a son and a daughter and I can never explain the sentiment I feel exercising this helps with my baby girl but for my son, I do not know what to say.
I absolutely LOVE this article! Thanks for putting it out there! I can’t wait to share it with my readers at http://www.Facebook.com/CompletelyNourished !!
My 24 year old daughter sent this to me. Makes me feel like I did something right. The only thing I would add is to include sons as well as daughters. A well lifestyle has no gender boundaries. Exemplifying ‘Girl Power’ is a gift to our sons, grandsons, husbands, nephews, etc. Thank you for an awesome and touching article.
#8. Times infinity.
The rest are good, but #8 is crucial.
Great article. I have not read all the comments, but do wish to add: I hope you called out the trainer/class leader on her “inspirational” affirmation. (It wasn’t)
Thank you so much for posting this. I went through a rough time my last couple years of college with body image issues, sometimes so awful I would avoid seeing friends or leaving my apartment because of how much anxiety and self-loathing I felt. Though it was initially for losing weight, running (starting with only 2 mins at a time) helped me find the peace and confidence I craved but wasn’t finding in group ex classes. The road has become a place for comfort within discomfort, my friend for when my heart is broken or when I’m on top of the world, where I can mediatate about my life in the quiet dawn or where I can roar like a lion crossing the finish line of another marathon, hungry for more. It is the experience when keeps myself and my life so full, and you have phrased it so eloquently for when I share it with my future children. Thank you!
Wow, this really got to me and brought a tear to my eyes. My Dad ran his first marathon when I was 3 years old. I grew up watching him run, supporting and cheering for him almost every week at some race, knowing he woke up earlier to train before having to go to work, and listening to his stories precisely about the feeling of crossing a finish line and how amazing it is to run through the woods. It is no surpise that I followed into his steps. I ran my first marathon with him when I was 19, and ever since it became my passion and my lifestyle. But the most important thing is that crossing that finish line together gave our relationship a special bond. From my personal experience I predict your daughter will be grateful for the message you are showing her for all the reasons you have wisely listed, but also because it will enrich her relationship with her Dad.
Wow, this really got to me and brought a tear to my eyes. My Dad ran his first marathon when I was 3 years old. I grew up watching him run, supporting and cheering for him almost every week at some race, knowing he woke up earlier to train before having to go to work, and listening to his stories precisely about the feeling of crossing a finish line and how amazing it is to run through the woods. It is no surpise that I followed into his steps. I ran my first marathon with him when I was 19, and ever since it became my passion and my lifestyle. But the most important thing is that crossing that finish line together gave our relationship a special bond. From my personal experience I predict your daughter will be grateful for the message you are showing her for all the reasons you have wisely listed, but also because it will enrich her relationship with her Dad 😉
Love this. When my kiddo tries to get in on my workouts, it’s makes me realize I’m making a difference in both our lives. I never want her to have to worry about weight. I just want her to enjoy the best things in life.
I am a male, so my comment may seem out of place here, but I’m going to anyway. First, I would like to say that the author of this piece does have ten great points. How she describes exercise and healthy is wonderful, and are the true reasons for it. This message, as she states, is especially important for children.
However, as adults, I see nothing wrong with what was said about the beach vacation and dress. We all know we have days we don’t want to work out. We all have days where we haven’t seen results in a while and it makes it tough to be motivated. Sometimes, short term goals are just what we need. The problem is, people don’t set new short term goals after. They see the vacation and dress as the destination, rather than a step towards the destination.
Short term goals, even if they are, vain, can help get us to the gym, trail, park, etc when nothing else can seem to do that. This dedication in the short term can help people feel empowered that they can stick to a process, they feel a sense of accomplishment, and can make them want even more. Someimes, even for kids, a short term goal (making a sports team, or something similar) is exactly what is needed to start down the correct path.
Great article! I teach group fitness and have never been impelled to use motivation cues like you mentioned in your opening. Instead I focus on many of the 10 you shared. I’m following you for sure now and sharing this on my FB page facebook.com/fitnessforrealpeople
Fabulous! What a wonderful post 🙂
I started off my breast cancer journey fit and strong, but the treatments weakened me. I am on the other side now, and you are inspiring me to work out again…
Working out is also a powerful treatment for depression.
I should get the go-ahead from the doctor to exercise again in about a week!
Thank you for your inspirational writing!
Reblogged this on socialchange27 and commented:
This is why I can’t wait to become a mother. I want to be able to show them all the beauty that life has to offer, without having to worry about the size of “That Dress”!
A fantastic piece! I am sharing it on the FB page of a business I’m launching (Zoezi) to make it easier for people to get outside and run together! Running on the trails is the new golf! I 100% agree that fitness isn’t about pain – it’s about benefits – health, happiness, and enjoying the world around us! You definitely don’t need mirrors in the gym studio for that!
https://www.facebook.com/zoezifitness
Brilliant!! Same goes for men and boys!!
Jimmy, Beautiful! Dad & I have learned it late in life, but… better late than never. Very beautifully written
This…kind of made me sad. I understand wanting to send the message that your worth is not tied up with your appearance, but in trying to correct one problematic message, I think we should be careful not to create another one. If your daughter becomes sick or disabled, you don’t want her to think life isn’t worth living, or that she is less valuable as a human being. I think it would also be good to send the message that worth and quality of life is not tied up with physical capabilities. Some disabled or chronically ill people, like me, will never be able to do some of the things in this article. They may never be able to feel the pine needles under their feet. Some people will never be able to mountain climb or run marathons, no matter how “disciplined” they are, and indeed, for some people who struggle with misfortunes in their health, it might take more discipline and strength of will just to get out of bed in the morning than it takes a healthy person to do a grueling workout. The message that healthy relationships come from health can be heartbreaking to people who aren’t healthy, through no fault of their own. And it is certainly possible to have great friends and lovers while fighting for your life– it’s hugely important, in fact. I’m not saying we shouldn’t encourage health and activity, just that I find the best messages to do so to be the ones that are inclusive of all ability levels, and don’t automatically elevate the worth of people based on what their bodies can do.
Katie – Thank you for your thoughtful and honest comment. I agree that the best messages should speak to people of all ability levels. I’d love to hear from you — what advice would you give that applies across all people in all situations? Please message me if you have thoughts or would like to collaborate on a post.
Thank you so much for writing this! I am currently on a quest to change my life. My biggest challenge is my weight and where my health is headed. I have always been active but as a whole I’ve let a cloud come over my life and have lost the desire and fight take me over. I have let doctors tell me I will NEVER lose weight and be able to live a healthy active life. I have a 6 year old little girl that I want to show and prove to her all that you wrote about. Thank you so much for this extra push!!!
This is a list of ten things we should share with our sons as well. My son knows that women who are strong, powerful and healthy are also beautiful! He see me enjoying my work outs – those in and out of the house. And I’ve included him in many of my pursuits – SUPing, skiing, running our first 5k together… The information here needs to be passed along to our sons because we are raising the next generation of men who will be viewing women in a healthy light.
Love love love this! So true and I’m so grateful that this exists for women as a reminder!
xo Ali
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! I am so sick of all this fitspo stuff that glorifies and objectifies the body. I was in a department store the other day and saw a sweater that had some saying on it (having to do with the body) and I commented to my Mom that I cannot imagine trying to raise a child in this culture.
Thanks for a beautiful article. I have shared it and I hope many people read it. It reminds me of the credo: Exercise BECAUSE you love your body, not SO THAT you love it.
Thank you so much for this post! I don’t have children but I often find myself drifting away when I hear similar comments. I love what you said and how you said it and I believe whole hearted that we need to remember that others are listening and learning from us (both words and actions).
I don’t have children, but your post really resonated with me. It’s taken me a long time to get to this mentality about exercising and body image, but now I feel proud that my body can accomplish goals and be strong, and not because it can fit into whatever dress size is deemed “appropriate” for others. Thank you!
As my little girl and I start on our journey through life together I will remind myself of these points daily. Wonderful! Thanks for sharing :).
I’m an avid runner and I agree with a lot of what you’ve written here. I agree with all those points you’ve outlined, I, however, do think there is something empowering about feeling good about the external results- i.e. the way your body looks because you exercise.
What an inspiring post! I wish I had had this perspective as a young woman and pray I can model it for my own daughter. Thank you for your wisdom and honest look at what exercise and healthy living is really all about !
LOVED THIS! I am Miss Cougar International, a title I competed for to go “undercover” Nellie Bly style and expose the media’s biased coverage towards women and their sexuality and how they are missing the real story of how women, men and gender are evolving.
Two years ago, a young man published an online ebook for the “Pick Up” community titled “The Cougar Manifesto” and asked me to review his pitch which included this comment about an older woman he saw working out at the gym…
“Think about it for a moment.
Why else would she be working out for that slim body?
It’s because she wants to impress the good looking young men like myself. She’s not doing this for the old overweight libido-lacking men.
She needs to do this to compete with the young slender girls that are running around in the clubs.”
He also said that women are
“universally submissive and indecisive…”
Pick Up Theory is teaching a whole new generation of young men that women are, by nature, motivated by vain narcissism. Of course, that paradigm is left over from 10,000 years of sex slavery, in which women HAD to compete with each other for survival resources which could only be obtained from men.
I told that young man that he was way off the mark. That high self esteem, mature women exercise because it FEELS awesome and for the many benefits it produces that have nothing, whatsoever, to do with a potential sex partner.
Well done, Brynn! Slowly, but surely, they’ll catch on… 😉
Our Facebook page: Walk Beverly Hills encourages people to leave the car at home – and walk. “Make walking a style for life.!
I’ve always been fairly active, especially in the outdoors, but never as committed since I started Crossfit last January. It helped me come back from a very difficult pregnancy that ended in an emergency c-section. I thought my body had failed me, but Crossfit showed me that my body was capable of being strong. I can’t wait to share our lifestyle with our daughter. Wonderful article…thank you. Reposted on my Facebook status.
Reblogged this on ~Modern Day Homemaker~ and commented:
Been reading up on a getting fit lifestyle and came across “Making No Excuses”. I know being fit is important to take care of my family but I always got irritated with women that take it too far and idolize their skinny bodies. I’m trying to find a balance and this article is a great balance of fitness amplied to everyday living that isn’t self-absorbed in just image.
I love this! It’s so true and inspiring. Thanks for writing!