10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
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wellfesto 
Brynn,
This post is bang-on. I am a nutrition/exercise scientist, teach indoor cycling and blog about the benefits of exercise, nutrition, and the importance of rest at http://www.strong-process.com. I so appreciate the spirit of your message! As women, we are completely programmed to “workout to look good”. I try so hard to make sure that is never the message in my classes, or in my writing. Thrilled to know there are likeminded women out there! ~Rachele
Reblogged this on climbing up the polka dot tree and commented:
I love this. I wish I grew up loving to take care of myself… My girls are always so proud when I complete something a little race, a hard boot camp… they love to hear about the adventure and if we got dirty. I hope someday they love to work out with me… I hope we spend lots of time hiking, biking, running, exploring and trying new things.
I love that you put into words what I always think… that I want them to love to be active and enjoying the adventure. I want them to be strong and fit and healthy… to enjoy living and moving. Thank you….
Great article, more young girls need to hear this, we’ll said.
This was very inspiring to me, I need to be a better example to my daughter. Although, even though she is only two, I make sure I tell her exercise is important because it helps you be healthy and strong and feel good. And never ever mention looking good when it comes to exercise or eating healthy foods.
This was very inspiring to me, I need to be a better example to my daughter. Although, even though she is only two, I tell her exercise is important because it helps you be heathy and strong and feel good. I never mention looking good when it comes to exercise and eating healthy food.
Reblogged this on Diary of a Corporate Wife.
Reblogged this on Dr. Shay West and commented:
Loved this blog post so I’m sharing with all of you, my dear readers!
“If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.” Absolutely! . . . And being able to fit into the dress you love, feels beautiful, and getting all gussied up in it and looking good feels beautiful, and riding in a taxi to an event feels good too. It isn’t necessary to ignore or diss one in order to have the other. Many, like your teacher, are putting their emphasis on only a couple of points, ignoring others. We should not do the same. Hopefully your daughter will have the chance to try all of the above, and be astute enought to pick the things that are to her advantage freely and without guilt.
W.O.R.D. Such a great reminder on how healthy behaviors that are only motivated by temporary externals aren’t ‘healthy’ at all. I hope you shared this (even anonymously) with the class instructor or gym you attend.
I don’t have a daughter, but I think I needed to read this for me. Things *I* need to know about working out I have a very long journey in front of me, but if I can change my perspective, I think it will help tremendously. Thank you for this.
I spent last fall caring for my dying father, a paraplegic with amazing upper-body strength. Now I work out in part as a favor to my family, knowing that if I become infirm and they take care of me, it will go so much easier if I can assist with moving my body through space.
Wow, beautiful. Thank you for sharing something so personal, Pearl. Be well…
Great points. My daughter hangs out at Crossfit with me sometimes, and my coach lets her do pull-ups and jump rope, and hang from the rings, which she loves. I want her to love it like I do!
Great article! Just this morning at the gym, I was talking to a guy (after I did squats) about how I didn’t mind how big my thighs got, as long as it was good muscle and not useless flab. He said he’d never heard a woman say that before!
My kids are all grownups and watched me exercise for the good reasons mentioned in previous posts when they were small. l continue today. Tomorrow I will have my 2nd total knee replacement surgery. My fitness didn’t stop the detrimental effects of osteoarthritis, but it did enhance my recovery on the first knee. Identifying and activating muscle groups is huge in PT. With my new bionic knees I will regain and reestablish my fitness quotient ASAP. Unfortunately, I am among the few who continue to be very fit into the end of my 60’s. Just DO IT! Do it for the joy and the health of it. It doesn’t hurt that these joyful habits result in the ability to wear whatever clothing I want and wear it well.
Ok, second comment from me…I DID like the article and I wholeheartedly agree with most of it and the general idea of it. But, for instance, you can’t say being active is a lifestyle and then also think of it as requiring discipline. I’m not an active person by taste and it does require a lot of discipline from me to get moving. My brother, on the other hand, is extremely active without even thinking about it and he doesn’t need discipline ; that’s what he’d rather do above anything else anyway.
Bottom line is, you should exercise for whatever reason you might have as long as it’s for and about YOU. That’s also the message I’m trying to pass on to my girls! 😀
This is great- I still struggle w/ wanting to work out while trying to shed some of the reasons for why I do- wanting to be more attractive, a certain weight, etc. Your post gives permission to embrace workouts while changing the whys.
Just starting my journey and I needed this. These words are inspirational and a prescription for living life. I will be saving this and reading it often to remind me why I have failed miserably in the past and how I can succeed in the future. Thank You.
This is outstanding. Thank you!
As happy as this sounds, privilege oozes out of every work of this post.
Hopping on that expensive bike/skis. Networking your way to success…(with whom, exactly? There is a high bar set to begin with.) Living in an area w/ access to outdoors. Having free vacation time. Having means of transportation to (safe) outdoor areas.
Yikes.
Love this post! In addition to these 10 I would add that the world will try to tell you that your body’s value can be reduced to its attractiveness to other people. Once you know what your body can do on the road, in the pool, or in the gym, and later, in a labor and delivery room, and nourishing a baby, you’ve got reasons to love and be proud of your body that have nothing to do with other people. Next Sunday I’ll cross the finish line of my first marathon. My 3 year old son and 9 month old daughter probably won’t remember watching me finish but I look forward to showing them my medals and sharing stories as they get older and then someday, I hope, we’ll do the race together.
Beautiful comment, Ellen. Thank you, and good luck!
Yes, yes, yes.
Reblogged this on lessfatchick and commented:
So many good fitness/health blogs living here at WordPress.Com. This is a great article about fitness priorities.
Reblogged this on SouthernHon and commented:
Great thoughts.
Reblogged this on Strong-Fit-Beautiful and commented:
I may be a few years away from kids of my own still (hopefully!), but this is a beautiful message. I’m guilty of using some of these same motivators in my classes (i.e. spring break is only a few months away … used that one last week), but there really is SO much more to why I work out – I like who I am in the gym better than anywhere else in my life. I feel strong. Empowered. Beautiful. Limitless. These really are the reasons we should care about our own personal health and fitness – because taking time for you can feel amazing. Never lose sight of the REAL reason you spend those hours sweating it out!
I’m 66 and still do Les Mills classes etc etc I only do them do that I’ll be able to carry shopping when I’m 90 and still enjoy life!!! Anything my 40 year old daughter can do I can do also!!!! We love it! She was MY inspiration to start exercising aged 50! So it’s not a one way thing!
I love the sense of accomplishment when I cross a finish line after 8 weeks of training, hiking with my girl friends and sharing the highs and lows of our days, the smell of the outdoors when backpacking and I also love when I can fit into that special dress. They are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes we can over analyze a comment that was just mean’t to be playful!
Thanks for this comment. I agree — wasn’t trying to diminish that it feels great to wear a beautiful dress. Just think it should be clear that that might be a great bi-product, but not the reason to work harder! 🙂
Reblogged this on Running Nowhere and commented:
A friend of mine posted this on his facebook. What a great way to look at it!
I really really enjoyed reading this.
Enjoyed your article and agree that we should look at a healthy lifestyle as a great way of life! I look forward to more of your articles.
Great post! I too have been working out for years. It isn’t about the end result as much as it is about being healthy!
I think it’s also important to re-conceptualize “working out” to fit our lives at various stages, levels physical readiness, and environments. Training for marathon or skiing is working out, sure, but so is tossing bales of hay, turning the compost, doing water aerobics, faithfully doing your PT exercises, or simply walking the dog. Much as you suggested that you need to be an active person in multiple ways, we’re also all in a specific context. Context may be other responsibilities, a temporary injury, a permanent handicap, a location, money, social support, medical restrictions, or even just plain weather. The work-out culture favors commercialized activities and even idolizes extremes (not just bathing suits–PRs, flexibility, long events), and we need not operate within it to be physically fit and healthy.
Terrific points, Stephanie. Thank you. I agree — we need a new word for “working out.” Any ideas? 🙂
Reblogged this on astepclosertoperfection.
I love this!!! I play roller derby, the sport thrives on everything this article talks about!! I strive to show my daughter (age 2) that ‘strength is beauty’!! Everyday she sees me work out and is asking questions and even does some things with me! I want her to be a strong independent young lady and am working to show her how through example!
Yes, yes, yes. I am so sad when I see articles online that talk about “getting a beach body” or “losing the love handles” as if that was the only point of fitness. I think we’ve lost the idea of health, and we’re trying to make our body into an ornament to achieve what amounts to pretty petty goals. What about life? what about longevity?
I think that God gave us bodies to do so much more than just look good. Why is being “beautiful” emphasized so much? to what end does it bring us? There are much better things to work towards, things that take hard work and commitment, but are worth doing. I want to live to see my great grandchildren. That’s why I stay healthy. I will not be wearing a bikini by then (you’re welcome), but I”ll be alive.
Thanks for writing this post.
Love your wisdom!
That is a great way to look at it. Healthy living is a choice and a commitment. You are a good mother to your daughter.
Beautifully written and I couldn’t agree more! If only this was taught at school!
This is the kind of thing that needs to be taught at home, not at school. Parents are a child’s first and last teacher and the ones who make the most lasting impression. It is a powerful tool which can and should be used wisely and with love, something that schools can’t really do.
In an ideal world, yes. We however don’t live in an ideal world. Girls need to be shown these things in every aspect of their life. Boys need to be taught it too. Peer pressure to fit it and the want to fit in is high at school. You can be taught one thing at home, then outside of home, attitudes are different and kids can feel lost. I understand about primary education, however not all parents are as caring as the author. Gender types have been around for thousand of years and aren’t going to change over night. If it’s taught outside the home, then in a few generations, this change might just be the norm.
I loved this post! I noticed the difference growing up that the theme of athletics for boys centered around: What can your body do? Whereas the theme of athletics for girls centered around: How does your body look? This is a huge problem, and you’ve explained it beautifully!
Wonderful! Is there any way you can post this with just the 10 things without commentary so that it can be forwarded for our young girls to read? 🙂
Yes, I will do this when I get through the messages. Thanks for the suggestion! Be well…
Reblogged this on Jest Dancing.
Absolutely wonderful post, thank you! I have shared this with my daughters as well. This one is going on the fridge (where all of our most important documents go :-)).
Wow, thank you! The fridge (I’m blushing)! Be well…
So good to hear! Mental check for me!