10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know About Working Out
Mid-way through a recent group exercise class, the teacher lost me. She didn’t lose me because of some complicated step sequence or insanely long set of burpees; I mentally checked out because of a few words she kept saying over and over. “Come on! Get that body ready for your winter beach vacation! Think about how you want to look at those holiday parties! PICTURE HOW YOU’LL LOOK IN THAT DRESS!”
“THAT DRESS?” My brain couldn’t focus on an image of some random dress hanging in my closet. All I could think about was my three-year-old daughter hearing and trying to process those words.
My daughter’s little brain is making sense of the world every single second, taking in verbal and non-verbal cues about how things work and what things mean. And when it comes to exercise, I want her to grow up seeing it as a joy, and not a utility…as a gift, and not a chore…as an opportunity, not an obligation. I want her to do it for the love of it, not to fit into a dress. I want her to grow up knowing that…
- Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
- Fitness opens doors. Being healthy and fit can help you see the world differently. The planet looks different from a bike or a pair of skis than it does from a car or an airplane. Out in the elements you have the time and space to notice details and meet people and remember smells and bugs and mud and rain and the feeling of warm sunshine on your face. And those are the moments that make up your life.
- The bike is the new golf course. Being fit may help you get a seat at the table. Networking is no longer restricted to the golf course, and the stronger you are – and the more people you can hang with on the road and trail – the more people you’ll meet.
- Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
- Health begets health. Healthy behavior inspires healthy behavior. Exercise. Healthy eating. Solid sleep. Positive relationships. These things are all related.
- Endorphins help you cope. A good sweat session can clear the slate. You will have days when nothing seems to go right…when you’re dizzy with frustration or crying in despair. A workout can often turn things around.
- Working out signals hard-working. The discipline required to work out on a regular basis signals success. Someone recently told me they are way more likely to hire marathon runners and mountain climbers because of the level of commitment that goes into those pursuits.
- If you feel beautiful, you look beautiful. Looking beautiful starts on the inside. And being fit and strong feels beautiful.
- Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.
- Little eyes are always watching. We learn from each other. You may have a daughter—or a niece or a neighbor or a friend – one day. And that little girl will be watching and listening to everything you say and do. What messages do you want her to hear?
I’ll never talk to my daughter about fitting into THAT DRESS. But I will talk to her about what it sounds like to hear pine needles crunching under my feet and what it feels like to cross a finish line and how special it is to see the world on foot. I will talk to her about hard work and self sufficiency. I will teach her the joy of working out by showing her I love it. And I’ll leave the rest up to her.
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wellfesto 
This is a beautiful post! Thank you for taking the time to share it with us all.
Loved this! I would love to see a similar sentiment conveyed to the males. I understand that the “beauty” centric focus in fitness is more pervasive with women. However, men are stuck with this and other “fitness” hang ups. That said, I am hopeful imagining all the young, and not as young ladies, taking these steps on their wellness journey.
Be well
Reblogged this on Food, Fitness & Folly and commented:
What an incredible, motivational blog from fellow blogger. Although I cannot relate to the message this plays for their daughter…they have certainly inspired me.
I had to re-blog, this was great. I hope you inspire your three-year-old as much as you’ve inspired me.
Thanks for the food for thought!
Reblogged this on Journey to Strength and commented:
This is so well written and exactly what I believe about fitness and WHY you should do it. As one of the commenters mentioned, I wish this was taught in schools. Maybe I wouldn’t have dug such a deep hole if I had read this as a teenager. I just wish I was at the point where I was getting this out of fitness. Because I agree that THIS is how it should be, but I’m not there yet. I don’t wake up wanting to exercise, but I want to wake up wanting to. Doesn’t that count for something?
Well said.
I feel incredibly privileged to have had the opportunity to do a solo thru hike of the Appalachian Trail this summer and to run a marathon this fall. By blogging about my experience and talking to the people I meet along the trail and in my community, I hope to provide a positive example of a strong, independent woman who embraces the strength of both her body and her mind as she follows her dreams.
Having my three year old niece meet me at the trail and excitedly tell everyone that she is hiking the Appalachian Trail as she dons her tiny little backpack and bounds down the trail rushing from white blaze to white blaze completely comfortable with herself, her body, and the woods reminded me that while we strive to be examples and inspirations for our children, we shouldn’t forget that they can also be examples and inspirations for us.
Wow, your journey sounds amazing. I can almost hear your niece telling people about her amazing aunt. You are both really lucky to have each other. Thanks for sharing your story. You inspired me!
Doing the trail or even just a small part of it has been a dream I have wanted to do for some time. I have not gotten the chance to do so. I have worked supporting a family and when I retired I was starting to think it would happen. Then my mother in law and mother became in need of care and since I was not putting them into a home my husband and I became caretakers. He can not manage them by himself and walking the trail has been put on the shelve. However I want to thank you so much for writing about your experience it sounds wonderful and full filling in so many ways. I can only image the beauty of all that you see and can’t help but to image the tough moments while walking the trail. God Bless you for taking time to share it is awesome and beautiful to experience it through others or someday myself. Thanks much. You are an inspiration to me.
Wow! I have never wanted to hike the trail….now I do. Lovely post.
I love this! I love everything you wrote but I do also think that wearing clothes that fit good and feel good on your body is FUN!!! It’s motivating for some people to have a special outfit or dress that will fit better when they slip it on easily after working hard as opposed to squeezing their body into something that doesn’t fit well due to overindulging and being inactive. As a mother of two daughters who all like to dress up, I just wanted to offer that perspective. For some people, it’s just fun to wear fun clothes, nothing more! 🙂
It is fun to dress up, but clothes do not make the woman. What we are at our core is what makes us fearless, loveable, and magnificent women, not what we look like on the outside. This is coming from a woman (36) who loves to shop and likes dressing up and going out and all the fun bits about that too!
I agree, Kristie!
I can’t tell you how much I love this article. I want my Zoë to love exercise! I want to be that example. It’s not about ” the dress” it’s about ” living with full conviction & passion ” Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou from the very bottom of my heart!
Very well put. Thank you! ❤
Agree with mostly everything you’ve written here; being strong and capable as a woman IS empowering and a very important thing to teach all the girls in our lives. However, some of us truly enjoy being in the gym for an hour 3 (or 4, or 5) days a week. If that’s the kind of “me” time that works for you, you should get just as much “credit” as those who hike or rockclimb! I’m a medical student with VERY little free time, and I adore my group fitness classes. Would I like (well, love really) to be able to connect with nature more often, including hiking, rockclimbing, etc? Absolutely. But for my life, right now, I’m happy to have made myself a priority in the way that I’ve been able to 🙂
Thanks for your comment, Emily. I like the gym too…don’t get me wrong! I’ve been going to the same 6am spin class for 7 years 🙂 Keep it up!
Thank you for writing this and sharing… you are so right. Such good things to remember for ourselves and for our littles. I recently changed my own mindset in this way – what can my body do and how far can I push it, as opposed to viewing exercise as punishment for needing to lose weight, etc. It has made the world of difference to me building movement into my life and inspires me even more to see my daughter loving to exercise as a way to have fun and challenge herself.
This! It had taken me far too long to learn that a healthy lifestyle isn’t just the means to an end but a never-ending journey and way of living.
I’m a fitness competitor and I completely AGREE with all you’ve said. I’ve never quite seen it put together so well or completely before in this way. Well done.
I love this article and all of the points you make. Great stuff, thank you.
“Health begets health.” To me that’s an especially important one as we are only just waking up to epigenetics and the way an unhealthy life in a parent can be passed on to children genetically as well, of course, as environmentally. Both are significant.
Love this mentality and totally agree! Also, just wanted to let you know that there are a few typos
Also please tell her to wear the right gear for working out. I’m not sure how many people stress upon that. I wish somebody had told me and I didn’t have to figure it out along the way.
What an excellent, insightful article. My daughter posted this on my Facebook page because she knew how much I would appreciate it. I’ve raised three daughters and have tried to convey these concepts to them throughout the years. You said it all beautifully!
Wow beautifully written! Nice one.
Great piece. I believe in many of these concepts and ideas so wholeheartedly that I created an exercise program that is specifically designed for young children aged 2-6. It’s locally run out of Saratoga Springs, NY but if enough people believe in what I believe then I hope to see these ideas spread across the nation. The program is called Go Kids and more information can be found at http://www.123gokids.com/ (if you are curious). Keep on playing. Adam
Wow, can’t wait to check out your organization. I agree this is such a critical time to get kids thinking about well-being in a positive way. Keep it up…would love to stay in touch.
This list shouldn’t just be for girls. Boys need to know this stuff, too.
What a great find! So glad to have found your site and will be including a copy of your post in my daughter’s 13th birthday card next month. Thanks for the reminder!
I loved your article, it is so much empowering for the girls, when they workout to tell them that they look strong and healthy rather than skinny and pretty
Bryn, I just discovered your page with this post – what an amazing site! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about things that I also find very important.
I ‘ve always tried to keep in mind these 10 points when I work out (although I haven’t done it as eloquently as you put them here). Your guide will be very helpful as I do my little mantra of the real reasons I want to work out – to stay healthy, strong, calm and focused.
Thank you!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Andreina! Be well!
This is not just for daughters…
What great tips for any young girl. Now someone with a son needs to make a list for him and post it. The USA has stepped so far away from teaching our children healthy living and exercise. We need to see a major change.
Such a great article. I have stopped attending fitness classes due to the ramble that comes from the instructors. As a plus size woman I was sick of being made an example ‘come on Sam kick those legs higher and the inches will drop off from your waistline’ especially when I had never discussed my goals with the instructor.
Since doing things on my own I’ve dropped 10kgs and increased my fitness level.
Good for you. I come from another generation, and it is so hard to get into working out.
And has been the case with me, a lifestyle of exercise may lay the foundation, both physical and mental, for confronting life’s challenges. I am currently undergoing chemotherapy and am fighting advanced colon cancer. When I struggle with the side effects of treatment or just the burden of living with a life-threatening disease, I am bolstered by the many hours I’ve put into the gym over the years, hours that have helped me stay strong through this and experience minimal side effects.
Thanks for sharing, Julie. Keep on fighting a strong fight. So glad you are finding comfort in your strength. Rooting for you!
I want all my children to know this ~ sons & daughters. Thank you!
LOVE this. Perfectly written. Inspiring.
I LOVE every bit of this!! It is perfect, and exactly what I’m teaching my three year-old daughter. I would love to put this on a poster of some sort. And I agree with the other comments: this could be easily modified for boys, and I always try to instill this same message into my fourth grade students. Thank you for posting these great words of wisdom.
Trading in narratives about looking pretty for tired, disempowering narratives about getting “a seat at the table” and driving for “success”, narratives that make one a cog inthe capitalist machine. Might as well say that the harder you work out, the more money you’ll have, and thats a good thing. I do really like the ones about nature, seeing the world differently, beauty on the inside and being a good role model. Thanks for the piece.
Fabulous!
I love the stupid Traci Anderson workout, but she won’t shut up about my problem spots, which by the way I DON’T HAVE. And my five year old son is in the room when I do the workout, and it saddens me. I tell him that she’s got some problems but that women are beautiful and their bodies are perfect and nobody’s got any problem spots, but it bums me out and I wish she’s show a little respect. Women do DVD workouts because they have kids, in front of those kids…
I turn off the volume.
I love this post and wish more people thought like this. Im in a relationship where my partner thinks that calling me fat and telling me I have a square butt is motivation. He defends his choice of words by saying me wants me to be the most attractive person to walk into a room. But here’s my own truth… I am not fat, its taken me years to decide and believe that I love myself and my body, and while I could go to the gym more, its not for weight loss, its for fitness. In my own rights, I believe I already am the most attractive person to enter a room, and my partners comments only make me feel like crap, as I have fought with myself for so long to be happy with myself. Exercise shouldnt be done to become model thin, it should be done until you find happiness in yourself and you are able to live a better life as a whole, not just for a dress size.
Omg. Sounds like you really need to break up with him. If you really do respect yourself, and know you are a beautiful person, then why be with someone who doesn’t? Did you write this so maybe someone would tell you what you already know? You need to get him out of your life! You will be okay on your own. It will be difficult and lonely at first, but you will be better off. But you already know that😊
Aloha,
I cringed when I hear things this. Unfortunately, we accept exactly the same amount of abuse from others that we minister to ourselves. In fact we require it, by eventually leaving relationships that either don’t abuse enough or abuse too much. Crazy, no?
I loved this article. Im a guy that’s been working out my whole life and I have a little girl on the way. Ill use this advice, thanks
Thank you!!! Brilliant article. I’m proud to be a woman in fitness.
Insightful and refreshing. thank you for putting this into words and sharing it!