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Posts from the ‘Be’ Category

Unitasking

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” – Henry Miller

photo by sethoscope, via  flickr creative commons

photo by sethoscope, via flickr creative commons

I used to think that multitasking — trying to ALWAYS kill two birds with one stone — was the best way to squeeze more into my life.  And in some ways, I still believe this.  I like to to do walking meetings.  I like to listen to podcasts while I work out.  And yes, date night (well, date day) is often a bike ride or a trail run.

But I’ve noticed that there is a stark difference between “combining activities to be efficient” and the dark side of multitasking which feels stressful and chaotic and “one foot out the door” at all times.  We see the latter everywhere these days — the guy at the gym talking on his phone and reading The Economist while he “works out” on the elliptical machine…the colleague who is banging out emails during another colleague’s presentation…the mom catching up with her friends at the park while her kid masters the monkey bars for the first time ever.  I recognize these people because as much as I’d like to think otherwise, I am more like them than I am unlike them.

There’s a ton of data out there about how multitasking impacts our productivity, our creativity, our memory, and our ability to influence others.  A Stanford study found that “people who chronically engage in media-multitasking exhibit certain cognitive deficits: specifically, they have more trouble ignoring distractions, keeping irrelevant memories from interfering in their present task, and switching from one task to another, mostly because they can’t help thinking about the task they’re not doing.”  And if you’re interested in this research, check out this article or a book written a few years ago called The Myth of Multitasking: How “Doing It All” Gets Nothing Done (a few basic google search terms will open up a spigot of related information too).

Despite reading about this for years, I’m only just now beginning to make the shift from multitasking to unitasking (as we know, information does not equal behavior change).  I’m trying out a bunch of practices to see what’s easy and what’s hard…what sticks and what doesn’t.

  • Check email at set intervals (morning, noon, end of workday, end of day)
  • Close tabs when I’m done with them (goodbye, days of last week’s kayak search still being open in my browser)
  • Try a new workspace when starting a new task (mixing up the environment can work wonders)
  • Embrace airplane mode (believe it or not, your phone’s airplane mode works at the park, at dinner, and at parties too!)
  • Clear the table (remove any technology, newspapers, books, magazines, legos, etc from the table and focus on the food and the company)
  • Schedule reading time (save media/blog reading for a structured hour each morning rather than reading all day long)
  • Work on a passion project (like a blog! or an art project!  or building robots in your basement!)
  • Sleep (sleep = unitasking by default!)

How do you feel about multitasking?  When does killing two birds with one stone help you, and when does it hurt you and the people around you?  Do you have any unitasking secrets to share?

Calm Amidst the Storm

photo by: david goehring (via flickr creative commons)

photo by: david goehring (via flickr creative commons)

I came across a compilation yesterday called “The Pace of Modern Life.”  It includes excerpts from articles published between 1871-1915 lamenting feelings of continual acceleration, fears about the deterioration of play, and concerns about the dying art of conversation/long-form thought.  Sound familiar?

Swap “tweet” for “letter” in a few of these excerpts and they could have been written today.  We’re fretting about our 240-character “essays” and steady stream of photos in the same way people 100 years ago worried that the efficiency of the post was reducing the value of a thoughtful letter.  This raises the question — is this a technology issue, or simply one of the complicated realities of the human condition?  Is it about a universal truth that human beings struggle to slow down when the world around us seems to be speeding up?

There’s a lot of talk about slowing down these days (at least in the bubble we call Silicon Valley), and there are lots of questions about whether we’re heading down a road where people think in snapshots, not paragraphs and our memories live in the cloud, not in our hearts.  My answer: we need to look at our own lives, our own routines, our own values, and our own priorities in order to find the balance between the gifts technology gives us and the real-life reflection and connection we need as humans.  Each of our needs…and each of our answers will be different.  But I’d bet that slowing down might actually help most of us speed up in the grand scheme of things.

Here are a few simple ways I’m trying to find this harmony (TRYING is the operative word here):

  • Unplugged mornings (running/writing/reading in the mornings instead of typing)
  • Email “blocks” (checking email at set intervals versus constantly)
  • Walking meetings (no urge to check email/phone during the meeting if it’s not available)
  • Tech-free dates (leaving my phone in the car when I’m out with my husband)
  • “Day in review” talks with the kids (lie in bed with the kids at night at talk about their days)

What about you?  Is it hard for you to slow down amidst a fast world outside?  What helps you slow down during the day or week?

Girl Meets Cheese

photo by quinn.anya, via flickr creative commons

photo by quinn.anya, via flickr creative commons

Some friends invited us to join them for a special event at the San Francisco Cheese School last night: a Wisconsin versus California face-off (IRRESISTABLE).  There were four rounds (all paired with beer, of course), and each one included two pieces of cheese – one from Wisconsin and one from California.  It was up to us – a mighty crowd of 26 – to decide which state produces the very best cheese.

The cheese was totally delicious…but what I want to note in this post (since waxing poetic about cheese and beer is a weird thing to do on blog about well-being) is how amazing it was to LEARN ABOUT SOMETHING NEW.  As grown ups (well, at least in my experience as a grown up), it’s so easy to get stuck in the ruts of daily life and forget that there are whole worlds out there waiting to be discovered.  Last night we learned about a world in which people spend a lifetime perfecting recipes and adjusting temperatures and caring for their herds…a world in which a Wisconsin cheesemaker only goes into his cave NAKED for fear of contaminating the aging cheese…and a world where a guy who believed in the power of cooperative grocery stores grew into a famous cheese dude.

Absent of phones and computers, and surrounded by tastes, smells and sounds that kept us in the moment, my brains was able to focus last night, and I settled into the cheesemonger’s rich stories the way I remember sinking into the chapter books my parents used to read…and the way my own kids settle into the stories we read today.  This event was a great reminder of the value of shifting away from our normal rhythms and the power of opening our minds to new and foreign ideas.  Just as we need to mix up our physical workouts, we need to mix up what we put into our brains….and how it gets there.  As someone who finds the physical challenges more natural to take on than the mental ones, this was two hours well spent.  I left with an inspired mind…and yes…a full tummy too.

And for the record, according to my palate, Wisconsin won.  Here were my favorite cheeses in each flight:

  • Bleu Mont Dairy Cheddar (Wisconsin)
  • Dante Sheep’s Milk Cheese, produced by Wisconsin Sheep Dairy Co-op (Wisconsin)
  • Cowgirl Creamery Red Hawk (California)
  • Roelli Cheese Dunbarton Blue (Wisconsin)

When was the last time you learned something new?  What did you learn, and how did it feel?

Weekend Reflection: Five Things That Stuck Out

reflection

Life is full of transitions — big ones like getting married or having a child or starting a new job, and small ones like watching day turn into night and shifting from weekend to work week.  These transitions are a great time to reflect — even if just for a few minutes — on what’s going well and what’s not.  They’re a good time to check in about whether we’re rested or tired…energized or ambivalent…taking care of ourselves or not…and prioritizing the things that matter most.  I consciously thought about these things for a few minutes as I drove to work this morning, taking stock of how the weekend went and what intentions I want to set for the week ahead.  Here are some reminders I’m holding onto as the work week begins…

EXERCISE

Little Eyes Are Watching: Our 2-yr-old daughter was busily working on her own in the kitchen yesterday.  I assumed she was “cooking” something in her play kitchen until she told me it was time to begin “spin class.”  She told me she had water and pistachios ready in case we got hungry and thirsty, and she was ready to turn up the music and SPIN (note: she has never been to a spin class…she’s only heard me saying that I’m going to one…so her version of spin class was literally SPINNING, until I was sick and dizzy and ready to fall down).  The point here is: as parents and as people…we don’t always realize how our behavior is impacting the people around us.  If I had spent the weekend watching TV, my daughter likely would have organized a Downton Abbey marathon…not a spin class.  Health begets health….something I posted about a few weeks ago in Cheering Us On.

FOOD

Deliciousness Can Be Easy: My mother-in-law was visiting this weekend, and she’s a great cook.  What I love about her cooking sensibility is that she focuses on simplicity, and she proves that great cooking doesn’t need to be complicated.  She made a beautifully seared prime rib, roasted potatoes and spinach and mango salad with seemingly minimal effort.  No recipes required.  I covered this idea of simple meals in an earlier post — 3-Ingredient Meals — and I love seeing it in practice.  It’s a great reminder that time need not be a barrier to healthy + yummy cooking.

MIND

Technology is Complicated: If you missed it, this New York Times essay, “How Not to be Alone” is thought-provoking as we think about the role technology plays in our lives and how it can shape our behavior.  Here’s a teaser that might make you want to take five minutes to read this: “I worry that the closer the world gets to our fingertips, the further it gets from our hearts.”  If you’re interested in the conversation about technology and well-being, here’s an earlier post about the power of unplugging.

RELATIONSHIPS

Make New Friends, but Keep the Old: We spent time with three different out of town guests over the weekend (mother-in-law, old friend from Wisconsin, and old friend from Calgary), and I was reminded how important it is to invest in lifelong relationships.  I know it’s cheesy, but I’ve always loved the piece about friends in that famous Baz Luhrmann “Sunscreen” poem/song: “Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.”  Both new and old friends add huge value to our lives…and seeing old ones face-to-face is an important reminder that we need both.

PURPOSE

The Power of Focus: I don’t have any weekend revelations about purpose to share — after all, it was just a weekend!  But I did do a bit of thinking about focus.  We went to a park Saturday that’s famous for kite-flying, and I loved getting lost in the moment while watching the colorful kits swirling in the air (similar to the Hockey Moments I covered a while ago).  Our lives have the potential to be totally absorbed by distraction, making focus elusive.  Jonathan Safran Foer quotes Simone Weil in the loneliness essay I mentioned above: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”  This is so true…generosity to others…and to ourselves.  This leads to my intention for this week…FOCUS.  Less email, more making stuff.  Less breadth, more depth.  Less interruption, more impact.

 

What’s your intention for the week?  And does it stem from something you did, read, heard, or realized this weekend?

Choices

I read a friend’s blog post today about choosing happiness, and it was a great reminder that our state of mind…our way of being…is often a choice.  Not always, but often (at least for those of us in the developed world where all of our basic needs are met) it’s up to us to quiet our powerful inner critics and channel our true…honest…kind…open selves.  So instead of writing a post today, I strung together some words that I can use to remind myself of the choices I can make every day.  Here they are…

choose

What else would you add to the list?

Laugh More

laughter

When was the last time you laughed?  Like really, really laughed — maybe until your stomach muscles felt tired and your eyes watered?  I’ve been noticing something about laughing lately.  Kids do it constantly.  ALL. THE. TIME.  When they wake up…when they are supposed to be eating…basically, whenever they’re not screaming.  According to research, the average four-year-old laughs 300 times every day.  Considering the average four-year-old is only awake 12 hours/day, that kid is laughing 25 times per hour.  That kid is laughing more than once every THREE MINUTES.

But adults don’t do it very much at all.  The average 40-year-old laughs four times per day.  FOUR TIMES PER DAY.  When I think about it, I think I only laughed once today (yikes).  How does this happen?  What changes between 4-yr-old bliss and 40-yr-old seriousness?  Why do we forget how to laugh, and are there things we can do to remember?

Most of us know that laughing is good for us — it makes us less stressed, more optimistic, more hopeful, and more resistant to disease.  So I don’t think we need a reason to remember.  I think we need more examples.  One of the coolest things about laughing is that it’s contagious.   We see people doing it, and we want to do it.  We hear it, and we feel better.  We come across something other people say is funny (like the “Worst-End-of-the-Schoolyear-Mom-Ever” post than went viral in the mom community yesterday and made me laugh), and we read/watch it.  Joy breeds joy.  Giggles create giggles.  And we all feel a little bit better.

So this weekend, my intention is simple: laugh more.  If I find something funny, I”m going to make a point to share it.  Out loud.  With another person.  That might be all it really takes!

What’s the last thing that made you laugh really hard?  And if it’s watchable/readable, can you PRETTY PLEASE comment and share it?

Graduation Season

photo by trazomfreak, via flickr creative commons

photo by trazomfreak, via flickr creative commons

I love graduation season.  Graduations are some of the moments most of us remember most clearly, marking both an ending and a new beginning…a time of massive change and promise and yes, fear.  I take note of the nostalgia that arrives as the season does, and I love the sense of possibility and optimism and truth that comes with it.  For people like me, whose only “graduation” this year is a kid’s migration from diapers to underwear, the posts and re-posts of graduation speeches that share nuggets of wisdom that both take us back to another time and make us think about our lives today.  Even if we’re worlds away from being twenty-two.

Transcripts and videos of speeches are all around us this time of year.  Time has a list of the top 10 graduation speeches of all time (yes, the famous Steve Jobs commencement address at Stanford is on the list), as well as a great editorial by Ken Robinson about “What Graduation Speeches Should Say, but Don’t.” (in short, our education system needs to be focused on helping people “find their element” and translate it into their lives and their work).  I’ll come back to that topic in another post. But for now, I’ll get back to graduation speeches and which one prompted me to write this post…

Yesterday The Atlantic published an excerpt from the commencement address Jon Lovett gave to the graduates of Pitzer College last weekend.  The speech was called “Life Lessons in Fighting the Culture of Bullshit.” He talks about the fact that graduates are entering a world where we’re drowning in bullshit — partisan rhetoric, inauthentic human connection, casual acquaintances saying “I love you, people describing everything as the “best thing ever.”  I usually call this bullshit “noise,” which is all of the talk that sits in the background of our minds drawing our attention away from the here + now…away from the things that really matter.  As any good graduation speech giver does, Jon gives graduates three pieces of advice as they go out into the world:

  1. Don’t cover for your inexperience.
  2. Sometimes you’re going to be inexperienced, naïve, untested and totally right.  Then, you need to decide: is this a time to speak up, or hang back?
  3. Know that being honest — both about what you do know, and what you don’t — can and will pay off.

What I like so much about this speech is the idea that being honest about who you are, what matters to you, what you know and what you’re working on is important.  It’s clarifying.  It helps us find signal in the increasing amount of noise that fills our lives.  If we all could do this…focus on the meaning and the purpose and the real connections and our authentic “elements,” as Sir Ken Robinson puts it, we may experience more quiet…more peace…more direction…and greater well-being.  I struggle with this daily, as the curious part of me loves noise.  But I find more peace when I’m able to then look inward and filter the noise. This inward view can show up in lots of forms — writing, talking with a close friend, meeting with a coach or mentor, figuring out what you love and what you loathe…all in service of being honest with yourself first, so that you can be just as honest with the people around you.

What do you think?  Do you feel bombarded by bullshit, and what do you do to filter out what matters most?

SoulPancake

photo by dawn ashley via flickr creative commons

photo by dawn ashley via flickr creative commons

I watched a video last night about Zach Sobiech, a teenager who lived with a full heart and a busy life and unbelievable wisdom as he dealt with a terminal cancer diagnosis.  The video went viral yesterday after he passed away at age 18…or as he said it, “just closed [his] eyes and [fell] asleep.  At the end of the video, when asked what we wanted to be remembered for, Zach said he “wanted to be remembered as the kid who went down fighting, and didn’t really lose.”  His closing words were an incredible combination of solid self-assuredness, profound sadness, deep perspective, and brightness.  Just plain brightness.  Amazing, even shocking…brightness.

That’s all I’m going to say about the video…it speaks for itself.  Check it out if you have tissues handy, would like a dose of perspective, and would like to honor Zach’s legacy (that life really just boils down to making other people happy).

This was the first SOULPANCAKE production I’d ever seen, and I checked out the site afterwards to see what it was all about.  It’s a beautifully designed site designed to serve up “brain batter of art, culture, science, philosophy, spirituality and humor to open your mind, challenge your friends, and feel damn good.”  I just liked it on Facebook so I can keep tabs on their work, and I checked out some of their content.  There is a tab called “Activities,” which is really fun, and something I’ll refer back to.  Here are a few of the exercises I liked as I scanned through:

  • In 100 words or simply one, tell us where you are most in your element.
  • Quick write your latest mantra. Breathe. Repeat.
  • Memory wipe time. List four things you’re dying to forget about.
  • In 100 words or less tell us what “the bigger picture” means to you.
  • Upload a creative travel guide to your home town.
  • Sum up what you are striving for in a single word.
  • What things are you working on now that will pay off in the future?
  • List the 10 most important things to you, in order.
  • Describe what you’d do with an extra day inserted into every week.
  • Fill in the following sentence five times: I belong
  • Upload a picture of hidden beauty.
  • How will you become a happier human?

And the list goes on.  SOULPANCAKE is trying to modernize spirituality, and I love what they’re doing.  Their provocative questions and content let you think about abstract things like God and afterlife and soul within the context of practical, real and beautiful things all around us.  It’s fuzzy meets real.  Serious meets fun.  Spirituality meets self-knowledge.  It’s a great attempt to deal with the hard stuff in an easier and lighter and more palatable way. I look forward to following along.

In Zach’s honor, may today be filled with brightness and love and compassion and joy.

What, if anything, guides you through the muddiness of modern spirituality?  If you had a question to add to SOULPANCAKE, what would it be?  

Ten Things That Made Me Feel Happy This Week

photo(21)

1) Our 2-yr-old daughter told me multiple times how beautiful the flowers smelled as I was running her to school in the jogging stroller.  And she asked me whether it was winter again because it was raining.  It was a deeper than usual…and particularly awesome conversation.

2) I saw an elderly couple riding a tandem home from the grocery store.  He wore khakis and she wore a dress.  May we all be so lucky.

3) Philz Coffee.

4) My parents arrived for a weekend visit, and I was overwhelmed that they are my parents + friends + teachers all at the same time.

5) I learned something new (check out Michael Pollan’s fascinating new article on microbiomes) and felt better about the dirt on my floor.

6) I wished an old friend happy birthday and for a few minutes, was transported back to being a kid.

7) I ate a strawberry from our garden.  It was a little bit green, but it doesn’t matter.  We grew it!

8) We had dinner outside and the sky was pinkish.

9) A standing weekly meeting at work is now a standing weekly WALKING meeting.

10) I watched a few Granny Rock videos.  I CAN’T STOP!

The learning?  Only one of these things was purchased (Philz), everything was close to home, and most importantly…THE LITTLE THINGS CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT.  Happy Friday!

What brightened your spirits this week?

Time

A few years ago, I did a graduate school project focused on work/life balance, a concept I now think is much better re-framed as work/life integration.  My primary research was at a design firm, where I gave people I interviewed a stack of index cards to sort as they saw fit and then craft into a cohesive story.  The cards included words that related to the idea of work/life balance…things like: SLEEP, TIME, GROWTH, FAMILY, MONEY, CHALLENGE, CHILDCARE, SKILLS, ETC.  Everyone told a very different and equally fascinating story, but one thing really stood out in every single one: a focus on TIME.  It sounds obvious, but it’s something we don’t talk about much.  As our lives and careers evolve, the limited resource often isn’t opportunity or skill or experience or connections…it’s TIME.

The notion of time as a scarce resource comes up a lot among parents.  Actually, it comes up a lot among people.  At work, a friend recently lamented the fact that she needs to sleep for eight hours a night.  “I could get so much more done in a day if I didn’t need to sleep so much.” (WHAT?!?!) A new dad told me a few months ago, “I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to stay ahead now that I have a huge responsibility outside of work.  I used to be able to outwork people (work more/longer), and I can’t do that anymore…nor do I want to.”  Executives complain about not having enough white space to think.  And when I talk to friends about health + wellness, the response is often “I wish I had more time to cook…exercise…go on dates…etc,” but I just don’t have any TIME.

There is a lot of truth in this.  Time is a limiter (I’ve been having one of those “I HAVE NO TIME” weeks), but there are things we can do to make it feel a bit less scarce.  We can organize around impact, we can schedule in some “unmoments,” we can be proactive about spending time on the things and people that matter most to us, and we can look to others for  ideas.  I recently saw two examples of how people are scheduling their days to optimize their time, and I thought I’d share them for inspiration:

via The Daily Muse

via The Daily Muse

by amber rae, via fast company

by amber rae, via fast company

Oh yeah, and not to be underestimated…we can be easy on ourselves and simply pat ourselves on the back for what we DO get done, and not what we DON’T.

Do you feel stressed about time, or are you at peace with how much time you have to do the things you want/need to get done?  What do you do to make sure you’re spending your precious hours on things that matter to you?  

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